Ever lost sleep wondering how the new Britney Spears single will do on Total Request Live? Or found yourself swearing profusely when ‘N Sync debuts at third (instead of first) on the Billboard charts? Most likely, you answered with a resounding “no.” Yet for those of us involved in the world of www.popex.com, these once-trivial barometers of musical success have ascended to Biblical importance.

Popex.com is a sort of online Wall Street where music lovers (or haters) can trade stocks of their favorite bands. The basic rules are simple: the values of shares rise in accordance with Popex user purchases and weekly dividends are assigned in proportion to a band’s performance in the real world marketplace. Joining and navigating the site are also quite simple, so there’s really no excuse for not joining Popex. Except, perhaps, maintaining your sanity.

For those interested in music and/or stocks, Popex is as addictive as the Backstreet Boy’s " I Want it That Way " (which, by the way, earned me a mint last year). No real money is involved, yet when I sold 1000 shares of Aerosmith upon the release of their lame single “Jaded,” I felt like a cross between Charles Schwab and David Geffen. Music nerds may also righteously invest shitloads in obscure-yet-worthy bands such as Clinic and Arab Strap, both as a means of “keeping it real” and setting themselves up for massive gains if the world suddenly develops good musical taste. Sure, this all sounds twisted, but over 40,000 people currently belong to the site.

Since Popex is based in the United Kingdom, there is a distinct British bias. So to do well, it’s not only important to keep up with the UK charts (I suggest www.nme.co.uk and www.music365.co.uk), but also to realize that knowing the real names of the Spice Girls will help you score big, but Kid Rock’s birthname won’t. And although an artist’s international performance is relevant to gauging dividends, the payoff won’t be huge if a band is only popular here in the States.

Portfolios can be adjusted as often as you want, but constant buying and selling is crucial to remain in the upper echelon of the Popex charts. Atop the heap with 18,300,000 pounds is a trader who goes by “The Slacker” — guess his moniker’s ironic. CDs and shirts are given out to the weekly leaders, though hardcore Popex fanatics make it impossible for casual users (those of us with only an hour a week to spare) to win. But it’s just as enjoyable to set up a league with your friends, so you can really rub it in when the new Dido single is a horrible bomb.

Popex.com also offers daily news and a mind-boggling variety of charts, graphs, and statistics to help visitors decide whether to invest in Daft Punk or the Dandy Warhols. Lively bulletin boards feature " tips " and get-rich-quick schemes, both of which usually fail miserably. The world of Popex can be time-consuming and even frustrating, but at least there are no pesky tech stocks to worry about — besides, of course, Radiohead.