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Dancing queen


Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My girlfriends and I frequently go out to dance clubs. I am the only one among our little group who is married. I’m frequently asked by men to dance and I do. My question: do you think it’s necessary to tell these men that I’m married? I don’t want to suggest to them I’m not interested in dancing, yet I’m afraid they might avoid dancing with me if they knew that I’m married. It seems stupid, but we’re just dancing. On the other hand, it was one of my friends who suggested that I inform the guys of this. What do you think?

— Just Wanna Have Fun

Dear Just Wanna Have Fun,

Dr. Lovemonkey doesn’t think it’s necessary to preface each invitation to dance by saying, "Oh, by the way, I’m married." On the other hand, if you sense that your dance partner is coming on to you, it would be wise to quickly mention your husband or somehow intimate that you are married. This is for your own protection, so you don’t find yourself in an unpleasant or uncomfortable situation. Some men see dancing with a woman as a prelude to possible romance — and others don’t. You just want to be alert to any sort of amorous interest (women are pretty good at sniffing this out, I have found), so you can quickly nip it in the bud.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been going with a guy for almost two years now. We have been living together for the past six months. He knows I am interested in marriage and children (we are both in our early 30s, and neither of us has been married), and we have vaguely danced around the marriage question. He does not seem inclined to "pop the question," so to speak, but I want to get some sense of commitment. Is it fair for me to bring up marriage at this time?

— In Limbo

Dear In Limbo,

Absolutely. He knows where you’re coming from, and it’s only fair that he be direct about his intentions. It’s a good thing to set a timetable. He may be hesitant, but doing so will let him know -- in no uncertain terms -- your expectations. It will alert him to the fact that you are thinking seriously about your relationship and expect him to do the same.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been going out with a woman for 10 months. I am totally in love with her and wish to marry her. She feels the same way. The only drawback is that I am Korean-American and she is Caucasian (Scotch-Irish, to be exact), and my family, while being very pleasant to her when we visit, would definitely frown on the marriage idea. They subtly express their displeasure whenever I indicate this relationship is the real thing. How can I avoid conflict and win them over?

— Torn

Dear Torn,

You may not be able to avoid a certain amount of conflict. But you can’t please everyone all the time. If you are happy and certain, you must follow your heart and head, and believe that your family, because they love you, will eventually realize that this woman is the person who completes you and makes you happy. You must trust that they will put your happiness first and accept the inevitable. Dr. Lovemonkey is keeping his fingers crossed that your family will come around sooner than later.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net


Issue Date: January 16 - 22, 2004
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