E-Mail This Article to a Friend Tempting fate

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been married for the past three years to a great guy. I’ve never cheated on my husband, but I have strayed a bit in past relationships. The thing is, I’m bi-curious and have recently been checking out others on the Internet who are bi-curious, both male and female. I have actually gone out and met a couple of them, but I have not cheated on my husband.

The problem is that I’m becoming attracted to a few of these people. I’m quite certain that I’ll remain faithful, but I have a funny feeling about all of this. I love my husband and do not want to jeopardize our marriage. Have I done anything wrong?

— Only Slightly Tempted

Dear Only,

You may not have been unfaithful, but by looking around, you are certainly headed down a very slippery slope. It is very unwise for you to be meeting people with whom you have discussed intimate sexual thoughts on the Internet. My suggestion is that you refrain from pursuing your current interests, or you will find yourself getting deeper and deeper into potentially compromising situations.

If you continue on this path, you’ll probably find yourself having to lie to your husband. Unless, of course, your husband shares your curiosity and interests, but it doesn’t sound like that from your letter. You are playing into temptation, and if you continue to do so, you will eventually become overpowered by it. Stop now.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been hanging out with a guy for months, and I sense that he sees me as "more than a friend." I really, really like him as a friend, but am not interested in him in a romantic sense. Although he hasn’t really tried to push the issue, my intuition tells me that when we go out to get something to eat, or go to the movies or something, he sees it in sort of a "date" sense, but I don’t. I really don’t want to hurt his feelings or do any damage to our friendship, but I suspect there will be a time when I do get interested in someone else, and that when I do, he will feel very, very hurt. How can I avoid something bad from happening between us?

— Worried in Warwick

Dear Worried,

You should probably trust your instincts. The honorable thing would be to clarify certain boundaries. Be very honest about how you and he are friends, but that you do not consider this a relationship with romantic possibilities. If you are upfront about the nature of the relationship, you will have done the right thing. The problem, as you recognize, is that if you do enter a committed relationship, he may be hurt anyway. There is not a whole lot that you can do about that. Perhaps you should do things with a group of friends, not just the two of you. That might alter the dynamic, so it would seem less like a date, and cool some of his ardor.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.