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Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

A good buddy, one of my oldest friends, called me up with a request, and I’m not sure what to do. He knows that I work late a lot, so he asked if he could use my apartment some evening for a rendezvous with a woman. The problem is, he’s been married for about a year. I’m friendly with his wife, too, and I just don’t want to be involved. He’s putting a lot of pressure on me. What can I do?

— Davey

Dear Davey,

Since this guy is a good buddy of yours, I'll assume you attended the wedding ceremony (and perhaps were even in the wedding party). Most wedding ceremonies include a part where the witnesses pledge to support the couple throughout their lifetime. Here's your chance. Tell your pal to cut the shit. Tell him marriage is serious business and that you can’t be a party to such despicable behavior. That’s what you should do.

There is also the nasty Dr. Lovemonkey alternative method for straightening out this clown. Tell him that you’ll let him use your apartment on such and such a date. Then, go out and obtain a number of photographs of his wife, including some shots of the bride and groom at their wedding. While it is doubtful that you have access to a copy of his marriage certificate, you could always have a bogus one made up. Hang all of this memorabilia throughout your bedroom and then place a number of chairs around the bed. Put some self-created scorecards and pens on the seats. A Bible on the nightstand next to your bed would be a most attractive touch, along a video camera (real or faux) mounted high up on the wall in the corner. It’s a lot of work, I know, and nasty as hell, but it really delivers the message.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend’s jogging is driving me nuts! He wakes up every morning, seven days a week, and jogs a couple of miles. Then he comes back all sweaty and takes a shower, waking me up again. I’m not opposed to good health, but every day? It seems like very compulsive behavior, and I wish he became a little more laid-back. Is there something wrong with me?

— Caroline

Dear Caroline,

In Dr. Lovemonkey’s estimation, jogging a few miles every day does not qualify as a "compulsive personality" characteristic. Maybe there are other things pointing you to this conclusion, but you haven’t mentioned any. Being health-conscious sounds like a real positive to yours truly (who is most decidedly no health nut). It’s also a definite plus that your boyfriend showers after running. It may be part of that crazy health regimen that drives you nuts, but think of what life would be like without those showers.

You may want to caution your boyfriend, however, about wearing the type of baggy, yet skimpy jogging shorts favored by Bill Clinton during his ’90s jogging heyday. It is Dr. Lovemonkey's opinion that such shorts look good on virtually no one. Also be grateful that your boyfriend does not seem, a la Clinton, to jog to the closest McDonald’s for McBreakfast.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My female dog is almost 10 years old, and yet she is still is in heat on occasion. I thought this is supposed to end much sooner. What gives?

— L.J.

Dear L.J.,

While Dr. Lovemonkey is certainly flattered by your faith, there are these folks out there called "veterinarians" You can find them in the phonebook. I’d suggest that you call one of them to get some accurate information about your dog. Perhaps the name "Dr. Lovemonkey" threw you off and you assumed that this was a column dedicated to pet relationships. It’s not.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.