E-Mail This Article to a Friend

Everybody’s buddy

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m a 34-year-old male who has never been married, but I have a good job (actually, a very good, high-profile job) and frequently get to meet attractive women. I usually ask them out for a dinner or to catch a ballgame or a play, and I always try to do it in a very non-threatening way. It’s like, "Hey, would you like to check out this new restaurant," or something along those lines.

So the fact is that I go out with a lot of attractive women. I never want to seem aggressive or pushy, but it seems that nothing ever really comes from it. In fact, I find out about half the time that the women I’m seeing already have a boyfriend. I’m starting to rethink what I’m doing because, as I said, nothing really ever gets started with the women I take out. Can you give me a little help here?

— Mr. Easygoing

Dear Mr. Easygoing,

Dr. Lovemonkey suspects that the women you’re hanging out with see it as just that — hanging out. That’s because you present it that way. You have to impress upon them that you consider it a "date." Maybe you should refer to it as a date. That would probably make most of the women with boyfriends acknowledge that they are seeing someone. Let the women you ask out know that you are interested in more than being buddies and that you find them attractive and interesting. They’ll pick up on what you mean and will let you know how they feel.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I started going out with a guy a couple of years ago. We’re both in our thirties, and while it never got really serious, we did like having sex together. Every few weeks or months, we would get together, and as they say, "hook up." We both saw other people and all of this was okay. Well, about six months ago, he told me that he was engaged. I thought it was unfair of him to be seeing me when he was actually carrying on a serious relationship and I told him so. We eventually drifted apart and he did end up getting married.

He’s been married for a couple of months and he has started calling again about getting together. Since our relationship was primarily about sex, I am tempted because we did have good sex and good fun. But I am extremely hesitant. I know that you will not think it is a good idea, but I am still considering seeing him.

— A Little Confused

Dear A Little Confused,

If you’re in a relationship that is fairly casual — just about having sex, and both people are okay with it — then okay. Usually, one person is a bit more hooked into it than the other, and there is some sort of imbalance, but that’s true with most relationships. The problem here is that he is married and he’s only been married for a few months. In Dr. Lovemonkey’s book, that makes him a heel, a cad, and a jerk. Tell him to stop calling you. Maybe you have great sexual chemistry, but you can do better than someone who is so despicable as to be cheating on his wife after three months of marriage. You can have good sex with non-jerks, too.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend and I watched the first presidential debate last week and he thought that Bush won. What’s up with that?

— J.M.

Dear J.M.,

Your boyfriend is a Republican, that’s what’s up.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net