E-Mail This Article to a Friend Stuck in the middle

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been with my fiancé for two years and have lived with him for one year. He watches my every step. I go to work, and he rings to see what I am doing. He meets me at the bus stop after work. We don’t go out anymore because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. Basically, I feel like a child. I seem to be constantly miserable, and if I am happy, he wants to know why (just in case I’m having an affair!). I love him very much, but I don’t know if this is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Recently, I met a man six years older than me. I am very attracted to him. He sends me flowers all the time, chocolates, teddies — you name it. Over the last week, he has taken me out every day in the little spare time I get. I have slept with him, and he tells me he likes me a lot and wants to spend his life with me. I don’t want to carry on cheating, but I don’t know which path to take.

— Twenty-two and Confused

Dear Twenty-two,

Neither you nor your fiancé is mature enough to consider getting married at this time. He’s ridiculously jealous, and you, while engaged to someone else, slept with a guy because he’s infatuated with you, really nice and gave you flowers, chocolates, and teddies. Your fiancé is controlling and jealous. My suggestion is to sever the engagement. Break up. You need to tell the new guy about your engagement. Take a timeout from your peripatetic love life and assess what you are doing. If the new guy really does care for you and sees a future, he will understand your need for a break.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve run into a bit of a problem. First off, I’m a 20-year-old guy with a history of bad relationships. I lost my girlfriend of almost three years a couple of months ago, and now I’ve got another problem. I recently met a girl on the Internet. She is wonderful. We have everything in common, she makes me feel happy, she’s adorable, and she’s just everything I always wanted and thought I’d never find. But there is one problem. She originally told me she was 18. She let me believe that for a month, and just last night she admitted that she is actually 14. She also told me that she is in love with me. I have been feeling very strongly toward her. She tells me that I am her first love and I believe her, but just how genuine is this love? I have developed strong feelings, and I really don’t want to hurt her.

— Gary

Dear Gary,

If you were 25 and she was 19, the five-year difference would not be such a big deal, but, Gary, c’mon! You’re 20, and she’s 14. This makes her barely out of grammar school, and you are about two years out of high school. Changes in maturity are huge — let me repeat HUGE — when someone is 13, 14, 15, 16, and even 17, 18, 19, and so on. She may see this as true love, but you are an adult and she is still a child, regardless of how intelligent she may be. Tell her that you cannot have any sort of romantic relationship with her, because there is just too wide a gap in age. She has years of growing up to do, and she should have the opportunity to do so with others in her general age. You do not qualify. Get a grip, Gary. Tell her you appreciate her honesty in finally admitting her age, but you just can’t be involved at all. Don’t go all Roman Polanski on us.

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