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Space it out

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend of a year-and-a-half and I are having a difficult time with our relationship. We are past that "falling in love" feeling and it seems as if we’ve lost some sparks. We’re with each other every night and that may be the problem. We tried this past weekend to spend some time apart. He was fine, but I missed his warm body next to mine at night. I felt like I was going crazy. Even though space may have been the best thing, I was really hurting. We broke up and got back together the next day. We’re trying to make things work. I’m scared because he is my first at everything, especially love, and I couldn’t imagine life without him. Is there anything that I can do to add some spice to our relationship?

--Worried

Dear Worried,

The emotions in your first real relationship are more intense than in any other. It’s good that you are trying to better understand your feelings and fears. You are probably right that extensive time together contributes to the problem. Even though it was difficult for you, spending some nights apart is good. It will help define more of who you are as an individual, as opposed to a couple. You shouldn’t allow yourself to become that dependent upon someone.

This will not be easy, but you both need to continue to grow as individuals -- just as you need to grow as a couple. Hang in there. When you get used to being happy on your own, you will find even greater fun and appreciation when you are together.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for about three years. She is 21, and I am 30. She lives in California, and I live in Connecticut. We get to see each other roughly two months a year. We call each other every day and love each other very, very much. The problem is that she is in college and still wants to explore the world, and I am working and not getting any younger. I am ready to support her in whatever she wants to do in her life, but that means waiting a number of years before we can think of marriage. How can we make this relationship last a few more years via long-distance, considering that we are both in different phases of our lives? Can this relationship work, and if so, how? I really want to make it work.

--Stuck in Love

Dear Stuck,

Undoubtedly, there are long-distance relationships that have gone on for years, but it is exceedingly difficult, and I wouldn’t recommend that you continue this way for too much longer. You have to start assessing why it continues the way it does, and how neither of you have made a major move. (It would seem that you are the one who would do this.)

Yes, your girlfriend will continue to go through many more life experiences. As she does, she might reconsider the whole marriage deal. You need to consider making a dramatic change (proposing marriage, and if that is what she wants, moving to be near her), or breaking off this relationship. I know that this is not what you want to do or to hear, but your situation does not seem workable. Many people might be right for you and her. Although you have a lot going for you, the one major disadvantage is huge. Consider this carefully because the odds are against you.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.