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Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I feel as if my heart is being torn. I have two men to choose from. The first is bright, mature, and is just so much like me. We share common interests, and enjoy and want the exact same thing. The second is younger than me. We share some of the same ideals and interests. He thinks he’s very humorous and witty, but his humor usually falls flat, and sometimes I get the feeling that I am his second-string -- "the fall-back" girl. Still, he has touched a special place in my heart. I also see that he does not know what he wants, and still has some wild oats to sow. The first guy has already gone through that stage, and it is like we are on the same exact levels in our lives. What should I do?

— Not Certain

Dear Not,

Perhaps you can help me with my dilemma. There are two guys who would like me to make investments with them. One is totally reliable and has a strong record of making money. The other is on parole, has a few more tattoos than the average investment banker (it’s the giant one on the back of his shaved head -- "EAT ME" -- that gave me the uneasy feeling), and always wants to meet on street corners instead of his office. With which one of these two should I invest my life’s savings?

In other words, Not Certain, if your description of the two men in your life is accurate, why is there even a question? You acknowledge nothing but positives, and no reservations, about candidate No. 1, while candidate No. 2 seems to come up short in nearly every category except having "touched a special place" in your heart. That special place sounds like the "bad decision" zone. I’d ignore it and start concentrating on candidate No. 1.

Dear Dr, Lovemonkey,

I am with a wonderful man who I love deeply. We are making plans to be married this year and are very happy. The problem is that I don’t like his friends, and frankly, they don’t like me. They make nasty remarks and talk about me using a code name (they think I don’t know). They have managed to put up a friendly front, so my partner is completely oblivious to all this.

I feel like I’m on my own on this. I can’t talk to him about it, because he gets angry and says I’m paranoid. He also does not want to separate his friends from me since he wants us all to "just get along" a la Rodney King. Do I not marry someone because I hate his friends? This has been a problem for about a year with many little episodes. I feel he is always on their side and thinks the worst of me.

— In a Jam

Dear In,

Don’t give up the man you love because of other people. I know it sounds harsh, but you’ve got to play their game to an extent and put up a bit of a "friendly front" yourself. His old friends sound insecure and immature. It seems obvious, though, that, when you’re married, his friends will have to change their attitudes.

I am a bit concerned that your boyfriend has not seen through them yet. I’ll just assume that he is a bit naïve about his friends. If his friends persist in undermining your relationship, and he is the man you describe, and he is committed to his partnership with you, then he will straighten them out or drop them quickly. If that doesn’t happen and he remains oblivious, you should reconsider the marriage.

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