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DON’T BE A CHUMP

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I met "Kay" about three years ago, and we dated on and off until the beginning of this year. Around March-April we decided that we wanted to get more serious. We have spent almost all of our free time together since then and continually talk about a future with each other. I’m 33 and she’s 25. But several issues that continue to surface are become bigger and bigger as time goes on.

Kay is continually "asked out" by guys she works with or meets, and she sees nothing wrong with "making friends" with them (exchanging numbers, etc). Many of her male coworkers have her cell phone number and constantly call her to chat. One of these men, who has continually asked her to go golfing and to the movies, has already left a note proclaiming his affection for her. (I strongly believe she would go to the movies with these men were it not for my objections. She sees nothing wrong with it, saying they "know she has a boyfriend.")

Issue number two is her ex-boyfriend. He was her first love and they dated for four years. Her parents and her friends despise him, yet Kay doesn’t see the light. She caught him cheating, but they still talk a few times a week by phone (he lives in another state). Many of his calls are of the "drunk at 2 am" variety. The last time she saw him was last year, and they ended up in bed. There is also a five-by-seven framed photo of Kay and her ex, prominently displayed on her bureau

She knows I love her very much, she tells me she loves me constantly, and the time we spend together is wonderful. But the phone calls and other guys have me questioning whether she is naive and just not willing to change, or if I’ve got SUCKER written in bold letters across my forehead.

_Getting the Magic Marker Ready

Dear Getting,

It’s not so much that she is playing you for a sucker. It does appear, though, that she wants to keep all her options open, even though you have been talking about future plans. She is not acting like someone ready to commit to another person. I’m not buying the na•ve act. Ending up in bed with the ex-boyfriend during a time when you were temporarily split up does not sound good. That she’s got his photograph prominently displayed on her bureau is even worse. I’d start backing off a bit from making any future plans. Regardless of what she tells you, her behavior indicates she is neither ready nor willing to commit.

TACKY TAKINGS

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My fiancŽ and I are in a predicament. We are getting married and have pretty much everything we need for household items. We don’t have room for more towels, sheets, etc. I don’t need china since I’ll inherit the family china someday. We could, however, use money (I know this is tacky).

How do we let our guests know that we prefer money rather than gifts we don’t need? Is there a proper way to do this?

_Soon To Be Wed

Dear Soon,

You are correct — it is tacky to let it be known that you want people to give you cash. There is no proper way to do this.