E-Mail This Article to a Friend SCENTIENCE In cyberspace, no one can smell your stink BY MIKE MILIARD

The Internet is a marvelous invention. (Thanks again, Al Gore!) It offers loads of free music, porno galore, and those little animated time-wasting games. But perhaps the Web’s most important job is facilitating the coming together of far-flung folks who share similar interests or quirks but who otherwise might never find each other. Furries, for instance. Or shoe fetishists. Or Freepers. Now, there’s Stinky Fucker’s Journal, the only online forum we know of that’s for people who are putrid and proud. "This is for all the stinky fucks out there," writes Stinky Fucker himself by way of welcome. "Post about how fucking dirty you are, how much you smell, all that sick shit."

If you build it, they will come. Founded almost two years ago, the community is going strong with 86 active members, a loose-knit group of olfactory malefactors who compare notes, ask advice, and brag about their body odor, their dirty clothes, their greasy hair. "What is the strangest smell you have been compared too?" a poster called Ceboglobin asks of no one in particular. "My father has compared me to the smell of a ‘dead foot’ which is kind of scary/interesting because he would know what a dead foot smells like, being that he works in a morgue. So anyway ... burning hair, wet dog ... what kind of odd combos have you been dubbed?"

Another poster wants to know if it’s normal for a nose piercing to smell "like vomit." Affirmative! "My fucking septum ring smells like rotting ear cheese," replies Krustykate. "I really wouldn’t give a fuck if it was in any other place, but its in my fucking nose!!!" One member wonders whether a "suspicious circle type rash" might mean she has ringworm. (This writer’s unsolicited opinion: you’re in the wrong place for medical advice.) Most posters are just happy to meet others who also dig flouting societal norms. "I was told today that I smell like a cat’s asshole," writes Alienwishes. "Hahhaa! I’m not going to shower for another week and see how bad it gets!" Carley, a 17-year-old who describes herself as "one crusty girl," is loud and proud. "I am the complete opposite of a dainty woman. I am a smelly, disgusting, heap of foulness that I can barely even comprehend," she writes, before giving a shout-out to her "stanky brethren!"

Stinky Fucker himself was not available for comment at press time, but we did track down a member (screen name: Mandible) who answered questions via e-mail. While he allows that "the time gap between showers is not as extensive as it once was," Mandible says he once went almost two months without a shower. "You get comfortable; it’s a hard feeling to describe. You just feel like you’re more relaxed," he writes, adding, "I really do not care what you, your grandma, or your cousin have to think about us."

Online, Mandible can consort with people who share his aversion to soap, "who know smelling like a rose garden isn’t their cup of tea ... who would just rather smell like what they are — human beings." Asked about some of the more interesting odors he’s noticed emanating from his own body, Mandible cites "everything from popcorn to onions," clarifying that he does "keep everything below the belt clean, especially when I’m dating someone." And how does he respond to the puritanical prudes who claim that cleanliness is next to godliness? "I’ve never been approached with that, but I would probably come up with something just as witty and lame. Something along the lines of, ‘I might be dirty, but at least I know I’m going to Hell.’ "

In fact, many of the site’s members have discovered that their ablutophobia brings about fascinating changes, ever-shifting shades of savory aromas. "I’ve noticed that after a few months without showering and wearing deodorant, that I have moments where I’ll smell like a some kind of strong perfume/cologne and people will ask me if I sprayed something," writes one. "It’s strange to discover your own natural ‘perfume.’ " And another poster is truly one of the lucky ones. "I’ve just been told last night that I ‘always smell like curry or some type of Indian food.’ Who else smells like something delicious?"

Visit Stinky Fucker’s Journal at www.livejournal.com/community/yep_i_smell