SILVER HAZE: The hoaxy, displaced, reality-TV feel is part of the recipe here — as is Henderson the Rain King. |
| The Butt | By Will Self | Bloomsbury | 368 pages | $26 |
Somehow one is surprised — if one is a semi-conscious literary journalist like me — by the discovery that Will Self has continued to produce books. So dashing and weird and telegenic a figure did he cut back in the early ’90s, when The Quantity Theory of Insanity and My Idea of Fun were coming out, that it seems he should have broken up by now, like a band, or passed onto some other, fresher phase of notoriety, like a housemate from The Surreal Life. Still, a writer writes, always (as Billy Crystal tells his students in Throw Momma from the Train), and here we are with his seventh novel, The Butt, the surprisingness of which is compounded by the fact that it’s very good indeed.
Tom Brodzinski, vacationing en famille in a Third World tourist trap, flicks his cigarette end off the hotel balcony; it lands with a flesh-creasing hiss upon the scalp of an elderly fellow guest, whereupon Tom is pitched into a netherworld of liability and tribal justice, attorneys and witch doctors. As part of the reparation proceedings, a local medicine man makes a ritual incision in Tom’s thigh: “The makkata closed in on Tom and knelt. He was clickety-clacking with his slack dry purse lips.”
Devout viewers of reality TV will of course be reminded of the Discovery Channel’s 2006 series Going Tribal and the famous “penis inversion” undergone by its host, Bruce Parry, among the Kombai tribesmen of West Papua. “The makkata’s breath was now on the front of his [Tom’s] shorts, and Tom could smell it despite the vegetal rot of the jungle.” The hoaxy, displaced, reality-TV feel is part of the recipe here. Add a dollop of Kafka’s The Trial, one small Joseph Conrad (peeled and sliced), half a Graham Greene, a squirt or two of Bellow’s Henderson the Rain King, and simmer it all over a low Flann O’Brien. . . . Mmm, tasty!
Style-wise, Self appears unchanged from his earliest days — still the donnish flourishes of vocab, still the satirically enlarged squeamishness. “The hotdog was ruined now — a bit of medical waste on a wad of bloodstained sutures.” There’s a bit of creaking and gear clashing at the beginning of the book, as the author gets himself in the mood. (“Jesus Christ! Tom internally expostulated.”) And he does tend to push his luck with the similes: “then, at last, like a strained-for ejaculation, the hiss of the rains.” Well, if you say so. But the book’s real action takes place not on the page but through it — in the up-is-down future-primæval desert through which Tom must travel, with a strange person called Brian Prentice at his side, to atone for his original offence.
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- 57. Ray J
Those with success in the unfettered dating marketplace don’t seem to need a casting director to score companionship. Thus, as history tells us, getting one’s own reality dating show (as Ray-J now has on VH1’s For the Love of Ray J ) corresponds roughly with earning yourself a spot on this very list (see: Flavor Flav, Bret Michaels). The big surprise here is that being a sibling of a celebrity (Ray J is Brandy’s brother) usually suffices in the hooking up department.
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We thought it best to sum up our Dice entry in a nursery rhyme: Roses are red, violets are blue, your routine is more tired than a Lunesta rep’s, and your pathetic, shameless appearances on VH1 reality shows and on Celebrity Apprentice are, too. OHHHHH !
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- 17. Steve Wozniak
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if you were Whitney Port, the colt-legged, honey-haired, cow-eyed star of The City , you might not think that what Herman Rosenblat did was so terrible.
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