The gender quiz!

Think you know whether you're a boy, a girl -- or something in between? Test yourself below.

by Kate Bornstein

Part I: How real are you?

1. Do you stand up to pee?
A. Yup, most of the time.
B. No, never.
C. Well, I've tried it a few times.
D. It all depends on the effect I want to create.

2. Do you shave?
A. Yup. Except when I'm growing my beard or mustache.
B. Depends. I go back and forth on the hairy armpit thing.
C. Where?
D. Yes, but not myself.

3. When you go into a department store to buy clothing, do you shop mostly in a department labeled for your gender?
A. Well, duh! Where else?
B. No, because sometimes the other departments have stuff that fits me better.
C. Yes, because it's very important to me to do that.
D. I will shop in any department as long as it has fabulous clothes.

4. Are there things you can do in the world because of your gender that others can't do because of theirs?
A. Yes, but that's just the way the world is.
B. Yeah, but they get paid well for doing what they can do.
C. I used to think so.
D. Honey, I've never let a little thing like gender get in my way.

5. When the store clerk asks "How can I help you, sir?" do you
A. Smile.
B. Wince.
C. Curse.
D. Curtsy.

6. When the store clerk looks up at you and says, "Yes, ma'am," do you
A. Wish you'd grown that mustache.
B. Smile.
C. Purr.
D. Brightly exclaim, "Gee, I'm sorry ...would you like to try Door Number Three?"

Part II: How real is the real you?

1. Has anyone ever accused you of not being a real man or real woman?
A. No.
B. Yes.
C. No, but I've felt that myself.
D. Yes, and I've had to agree with them.

2. You're in the middle of the sidewalk, in broad daylight. Your lover leans over and kisses you hard and long on the mouth. Do you
A. Kiss back and lose yourself in the moment.
B. Start to panic about who might be watching.
C. Thank heaven for Max Factor more-or-less permanent lipstick.
D. Offer to sell tickets to gawking passers-by.

3. You receive an invitation to a concert. The top of the invitation reads ALL GENDERS WELCOME. Do you
A. Wonder why they phrased it like that?
B. Get nervous about who or what might show up?
C. Feel defensive?<
D. Feel included?

4. Have you ever been discriminated against, harassed, or attacked because of your gender presentation?
A. No.
B. No, I've been very careful.
C. Yes, and it happens to women every hour of the day.
D. Yes.

5. Which of the following most nearly matches your definition for the word transgender?
A. It's a disorder that results in men cutting off their penises.
B. Being born in the wrong body, or having the wrong sex for your gender.
C. Changing from one gender to another, or just looking like you've done that.
D. Transgressing gender, breaking all the rules of gender in any way at all.

6. Which of these phrases describes you most accurately when it comes to rules about behavior and identity?
A. I pretty much make up the rules to suit my needs, and I follow those rules as long as I'm getting something out of it.
B. I think many social and cultural rules governing individual behavior and identity are necessary.
C. I'm trying to figure out which rules to follow and which rules to ignore.
D. Rules? Honey, the Identity Police have arrested me so many times, I've got a cell with my name on it.

Part III: What happens if your gender is bent, folded, mutilated, or spindled?

1. When the kind of person to whom you are normally attracted begins to flirt heavily with you, do you
A. Envision the great sex you're going to have later that night.
B. Try to get to know this person better.
C. Panic because it's been so long and you wonder if you know how to do it right any more.
D. Flirt right back.

2. When the kind of person that normally turns you off begins to flirt heavily with you, do you
A. Hit the person.
B. Leave.
C. Tell them, "Honey, you flirt with this hand."
D. See if there's anything about it you can enjoy as long as it's only flirting.

3. How many genders do you think there really are?
A. Two
B. Well, there are two sexes. Is that what you mean?
C. I'm going to guess there's lots of genders and two sexes.
D. When do you want me to stop counting?

4. Do you feel it's possible for someone to change hir gender?
A. No. And what does "hir" mean, Flake-o?
B. I think people can try, but no, not really, no.
C. Yes, with proper supervision, surgery, and hormones. I think so.
D. How many times?

5. If you meet someone you think is one gender, but find out they used to be another gender, do you think to yourself
A. Is this some costume party?
B. The poor, brave dear!
C. Wow, and I didn't even know!
D. Yeah, yeah. But can you do a good Elvis?

6. If you see someone on the street whose gender is unclear to you, do you
A. Dismiss that person as a freak?
B. Try to figure out if it's a man or a woman?
C. Mentally give them a makeover so they can pass better as one or the other?
D. Notice that they're staring at you, trying to figure out what you are?

Part IV: How real is your love life?

1. If you fell in love with a heterosexual woman, would you be
A. Pleased as punch?
B. Really confused?
C. Nervous as hell?
D. Curious, curious, curious?

2. If you fell in love with a heterosexual man, would you be
A. Reassuring yourself that the ancient Greeks had friendships like that?
B. Pleased as punch?
C. Nervous as hell?
D. Curious, curious, curious?

3. If you fell in love with a lesbian woman, would you be
A. Apprehensive, but titillated?
B. Nervous as hell?
C. Pleased as punch?
D. Curious, curious, curious?

4. If you fell in love with a gay man, would you be
A. Reassuring yourself that the ancient Greeks had friendships like that?
B. Resigned to your fate?
C. Pleased as punch?
D. Curious, curious, curious?

5. If you fell in love with a woman who used to be a man, would you be
A. Concerned how well she would pass in public?
B. Wondering why you couldn't have met before her change?
C. Nervous as hell?
D. Curious, curious, curious?

6. If you fell in love with a man who used to be a woman, would you be
A. Convinced that he's really a woman and you're not a faggot?
B. Really confused?
C. Nervous as hell?
D. Curious, curious, curious?

Part V: Just how real is no gender?

1. Which of the following statements most nearly matches your idea of gender?
A. Gender simply is. If you don't like yours, get over it.
B. I've been working on my own gender for a long time, and I'm getting to the point where I may actually have made it my own.
C. I think there's a lot about gender that we don't know about yet, and I wonder why that might be.
D. Gender is what happens to me when I wake up in the morning.

2. Which one of the following statements most nearly matches your feelings about gender?
A. My what about gender?
B. I guess my feelings range anywhere from anger and frustration to sadness and apathy.
C. Gender confuses me. I don't know why it is the way it is.
D. I feel . . . I feel . . . I feel a song coming on!

3. Has there been any time when you've felt you have no gender?
A. No, I'm never really aware of my gender anyway.
B. No, I'm very aware of my gender nearly all the time.
C. Maybe sometimes when I'm alone or in a situation where gender doesn't matter.
D. Lots of genders, no genders. What's the difference?

4. Have you ever questioned the nature of gender itself?
A. No, it's not polite to question Mother Nature.
B. I question the nature of my own gender, but gender itself? No.
C. I question gender, but I get the spooky feeling I'm not supposed to do that.
D. The nature of gender? Isn't that an oxymoron?

5. If you woke up one morning and discovered you were neither a man nor a woman, would you
A. Kill yourself, or stay in hiding the rest of your life?
B. Discuss this new development with your group?
C. Bone up on every gender theory you can think of, and fast?
D. Yawn and get dressed?

For those who insist on scoring

Give yourself 5 points for each A answer; 3 points for each B answer; 1 point for each C answer; and no points for any D answers.

You have a range of possible scores from 0 to 150, and if you haven't guessed it by now, when it comes to your Gender Aptitude (GA), smaller is better. But don't fret. It's just an aptitude, and like any other part of human potential, with a little (or a lot of) work you can always improve. Let's see what the numbers translate into.

0-35: Gender Freak

Whoa! This stuff must seem like kid's play for you. Either that or water in the desert, huh? Give me a call when you've finished reading My Gender Workbook and let me know if I got this stuff right, will you?

36-60: Gender Outlaw

You've been working on not only your own gender, but the subject of gender itself, for quite some time, huh? I'm willing to bet things are still a bit scary and a bit serious for you. If I were you, I'd go out and get a copy of My Gender Workbook and have a ball!!

61-100: Gender Novice

>Gee, it's like you have one hand in respectability and the other hand someplace where someone else likes it. You're not always taken for "normal," are you? In fact, you probably get an infrequent but regular bout of the gender willies from time to time, don't you? Fret not. You've got a very rewarding journey ahead of you. All it's going to take is some practice.

101-135: Well Gendered

Hiya, Mista Man! Hello, Ms. Lady! I'm guessing you're not reading this newspaper to learn anything about yourself, am I right? Maybe a friend or family member wanted you to read it. Well, I think that's very commendable. Keep on reading, and do what's comfortable for you.

136-150: Captain James T. Kirk!

Omigod! I've always wanted to meet you! Can I have your autograph, please? Ah, Captain, you finally get to truly go where no man has gone before.

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This quiz was adapted from My Gender Workbook, by Kate Bornstein (Routledge).

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