Seven gay ways to prepare for the new millennium

The Gay Agenda by David Valdes Greenwood

1) Build a co-op bunker.
Get girls with power tools to build it and boys with fabric swatches to decorate it; then draw up a list of which current and former lovers are invited, and begin stockpiling supplies.

2) Stockpile Judy CDs.
Whether it's Judy Garland or Judy Collins, don't you want the music of your demographic in that bunker, instead of Britney Spears or the Backstreet Boys?

3) Stockpile poppers.
Sure, you need bottled water and canned food in a bunker, but everyone will be in a much better mood if you also have a little sniffable pick-me-up on hand.

4) Stockpile verbal weapons.
Start collecting witticisms and zingers now, so that when everyone gets bitchy and irritable, you'll be able to deploy evidence of your sassy side without a moment's hesitation; even in a bunker, timing is everything.

5) Stockpile gas masks.
Because you just know there'll be one person wearing too much Calvin Klein or patchouli in the bunker.

6) Stockpile dog food.
Not for you, silly, for all the dogs the gals will bring. You didn't think bunkers were just for humans, did you?

7) Stockpile pornography.
You'll be glad you remembered visual aids when the sexual tension gives out before the oxygen does.

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