The sure thing

Foolproof ways to see some action on February 14

by Kerry Lynch

You've tried it all by now -- Spanish fly, oysters Rockefeller, dried eel flakes, powdered rhino horn -- but so far the targets of your amóre have walked away unscathed. Before you resort to Love Potion #9 this Valentine's Day, how about our tried-and-true recipe for a sure thing?

A FAIR OF THE HEART: water bottle ($20 at Brookline Booksmith); tulle tutu with hearts ($45 at Top Drawer); and feather tickler ($9.95 at Grand Opening).

Ingredients

1 bottle of wine with a name you can't pronounce

1 CD by Al Green, dragon slayer in the land of love

1 Magnetic Poetry Romance Edition ($20, Brookline Booksmith) -- who could resist impromptu refrigerator sonnets with lines like "Thy naked bottom is fly"?

1 blindfold, for nosy pets ($19.95, Grand Opening)

1 heart-shaped hot-water bottle ($20, Brookline Booksmith)

2 servings erotic vittles, courtesy of Intercourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook ($24.95, Grand Opening)

2 pairs sexy undies (one for each of you) or some racy lingerie, such as this tulle "tutu" with floating hearts ($45, Top Drawer). Don't have anything sexy? Go for clean.

2 scented candles (note: pine-scented candles are not sexy, nor is incense -- it reminds one of church)

1 tome sweet prose -- try Love: Meditations on Love, by Sister Wendy Beckett ($9.95, Brookline Booksmith), in which the world's richest nun expounds upon such racy topics as lifelong fidelity

1 jar Chocolate Fantasy Cream body paint ($9.95, Grand Opening) or a Love Bites chocolate massage bar ($3.23, CVS)

Directions

Dim lights and stir. Serves two.

If this doesn't work out, here's the fail-safe variation, for a night of solo romance: one more bottle of unpronounceable wine, one dirty book (try Delta of Venus, by Anaïs Nin; $6.99, Brookline Booksmith), one bathtub, and one bottle of Mr. Bubble.

Dim lights and soak. Serves one.

Stores mentioned in this article: Brookline Booksmith, 279 Harvard Street, Brookline, (617) 566-6660; CVS, locations around Greater Boston; Grand Opening, 318 Harvard Street, Brookline, (617) 731-2626; Top Drawer, 164 Newbury Street, Boston, (617) 267-7001.