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The Norman invasion

by Chris Wright

MAILER READS books where it's "convenable" to his ass.

Note to self: don't ever interrupt Norman Mailer during lunch.

I rang Mailer earlier this week at his Provincetown home, seeking a few choice words on the joys of summer reading, and found him to be in a less-than-sunny mood. Turns out the Pulitzer Prize-winning, society-page-filling author has a thing about privacy.

He did, however, agree to hear me out. "But make it short," he said.

What kind of book, I asked him, makes for good summer reading?

There was a noise at the other end like a truck engine turning over on a frosty morning.

"Next question," he barked, but then he couldn't help himself: "That's one of the things that's wrong with reading these days," he said. "You don't change your reading habits like you change your clothes, according to the seasons."

Okay, um, what will Norman Mailer be reading this summer?

"These are stupid questions, damn stupid questions," he grumbled, before going on to list a few of "the Germans": "Goethe -- G-o-e-t-h-e; Eckermann -- E-c-k-e-r . . . " Oh boy.

Does he have a favorite place to read?

More throaty-chesty noises and a curt, "Any place that's convenable to my ass."

Convenable?

"It means 'agreeable.' "

Oh, right.

Finally, perhaps sensing that his interlocutor was having chest pains, the veteran author thawed a little. "Maybe I'm being too judgmental," he said, returning once more to my original question. "You see, I live on the beach, so I don't subscribe to the idea that you have to take something light there with you."

He even deigned to excuse my calling him at home, attributing the appalling lack of manners to my nationality -- "What would I expect from an Englishman?" -- and offered to take me out for a drink sometime.

And then he made a funny: "Do you know what the difference is between an Italian reporter and an English reporter?"

I didn't.

"An English reporter will speak to you before he makes up his lines."

"Oh, yes, ha-ha, good one," I lied. "Well, I'll let you get back to work."

"I wasn't working," Mailer replied before hanging up. "I was eating."