The new new schmooze continued

by Michelle Chihara

While some people stare too hard and too long at the color of the sticker on your nametag, other people are scoping out entirely different kinds of potential. At Silicon Spot's bash at the Top Kat Lounge, "So, will I see you at CyberBrew?" was a reliable line -- and a sure sign that such events are no longer all about the tangibles.

Earnst recognizes that CyberBrew is, indeed, now something of a pick-up joint: "It's a place where the industry gets together, struts its stuff, catches up, and finds dates."

Like gatherings of any cultural group, dot-com coffee klatches serve up attractively pre-filtered possibilities. Off-the-record accounts of hook-ups and flings abound. "People are getting all dolled up for these things," says Earnst. "In the bar scene you meet some scary people, but in this space . . . people are making a good living. They have something in common."

Too much in common, sometimes. One young man from an interactive ad agency told me, "I don't date within the industry. It's not a good idea. It ends up being all you talk about." And at least one freelance designer at CyberBrew seems a bit overwhelmed. "This is a meat market," she says. "It's a vibe you feel when you walk in. Look at the ratio: it's 10 men to every woman. 'Here's my card . . . ' It's very intense."

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Each event's promoter insists that his or her event has the most diverse crowd. But no one disputes which party is the most exclusive: Bob Metcalfe's occasional "salon" in his Back Bay townhouse, the schmoozefest to beat all schmoozefests.

Metcalfe -- technology pundit, director at tech giant International Data Group, and creator of Ethernet -- is a technological superstar, and his invite-only salons are quasi-legendary. He often runs them with the support of IDG or through MIT, where he is on the board of trustees.

"Entrepreneurs need these," says Metcalfe. "They need camaraderie, mentors, connections; they need to exchange business cards and talk about ideas. That's what we do."

He downplays the rumors that his salons have launched big careers and spawned important inventions, saying, "Big deals don't usually get made in one place." But it's no secret that an invitation is an honor, and that the exclusive evenings promise to be worth your time. Invites come at Metcalfe's discretion. "Since it's at my house, I get to decide," he says. "That's an important part of what makes them work."

Akamai, the $57 million company with NASA-like headquarters in Technology Square in Cambridge, is rumored to have hatched at a Metcalfe salon. Usually organized around a technological theme, the salons are the kind of events where you might find people like Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the Web, discussing the finer points of network technology with the chairman of IDG over a glass of chardonnay. The winners of MIT's $50,000 business-plan competition, many of whom have gone on to found successful companies, schmooze there.

The key, Metcalfe says, is to be picky. "I don't generally invite service agencies; no one who would like to sell to entrepreneurs, no management consultants, no PR people. Just entrepreneurs -- would-be entrepreneurs, retired entrepreneurs -- with the goal of connecting them together."

In the past few years, with the sudden boom of paper millionaires, Metcalfe has seen even purely entrepreneurial schmoozing become less pleasant: "Money transforms people. Some people bear up well under the burden of millions, some fall apart. Especially if it happens suddenly, then they get to be full of themselves." Metcalfe has little patience for arrogance. "They don't take advice, they break appointments. If you tell me you're coming to a party and you no-show on me, you will never be invited again."

To Metcalfe, the recent shake-up isn't all bad. "I'm looking forward to more-friendly relations with entrepreneurs now that they're only millionaires, not billionaires. Having the stock go down is a big way to return civility to their behavior," he says.

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Michelle Chihara can be reached at mchihara[a]phx.com.