Break-Ups

Lesbo heartbreak shocker! Part 2

by Susan Ryan-Vollmar

Let's face it. While many of us were shocked -- shocked! -- to hear that Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche had split up, it wasn't really all that surprising.

But news that Melissa Etheridge and Julie Cypher are calling it quits is like hearing that your parents want a divorce. After all, they have 12 years, two children, and countless cover gigs on the Advocate and Out magazines between them. How can this be?

Well, as with any break-up, there were signs. And we should have caught them.

First of all, there was that business of telling us about David Crosby -- proving that celebrities actually can reveal too much information about themselves. None of us needed that visual -- and, in retrospect, naming Crosby as the sperm donor and putting their children on the cover of Rolling Stone was a clear cry for help.

More recently, there has been Melissa's odd -- though not Anne Heche-like -- behavior. First of all, she agreed to host a treacly Chicken Soup for the Soul-like show on Lifetime called Beyond Chance. This from the woman who gave us "I'm the Only One."

Speaking of "I'm the Only One," there was the news, reported by Inside.com last month, that Etheridge was penning a tell-all autobiography titled The Truth Is . . . that would reveal the, um, inspiration behind that song: Cypher's revelation to Etheridge that she was attracted to a mutual friend.

And speaking of Etheridge's tell-all autobiography, Inside.com also reported that the book would disclose details about the sexual abuse Etheridge claims her sister put her through. It would, as well, document all the messy twists and turns of a relationship Etheridge had with an older woman when the budding rock star was still in her late teens.

Speaking of messy twists and turns, there was the news two weeks ago that Etheridge offered to pose nude for Playboy (as if that PETA ad weren't enough) in the hopes of becoming the first "boundary-crossing big dyke" to appear in the pages of the magazine.

And speaking of boundary-crossing big dykes, we have to wonder: is there another woman?

Speaking of other women -- who's left? There are no more celebrity lesbian couples to gossip about. We're now left with the power-dyke pair-ups: Human Rights Campaign executive director Elizabeth Birch and Recording Industry Association of America CEO Hilary B. Rosen; Wall Street Journal reporter and AOL.com author Kara Swisher and Planet-Out CEO Megan Smith (check out their loosely edited thoughts on Slate's Breakfast Table this week); and, well, we can't think of any others.

And this has left us bitter.