Celebrity site-ings

Too much information

by Camille Dodero

MELANIE gets mawkish online.

So much for celebrities' keeping their private lives private. In a creepy display of unguarded sincerity, Melanie Griffith has divulged details of her recent sojourn in rehab -- in a pathetically twisted online diary. "If you don't know about it, I was and still am addicted to sleeping pills (barbiturates) and pain pills (opiates)," she confesses in a posting from last Wednesday on her personal Web site (www.melaniegriffith.com or www.melanieonline.com). "Hello Everyone! Today is a good day! I am so happy and grateful to be clean, sober, and off pain medication," she trumpets on the following day in her "recovery journal," thanking "all beautiful people" for "being so supportive with their messages."

Is this a parody? Apparently not: the site is full of Griffith's personal photos, home videos, and commentary. There's streaming video of Melanie running beside her personal trainer, Greg Isaacs. There are sound bites of Griffith's breathy voice whispering phrases like "The truth from me straight to you." There's Griffith showing off her triceps tattoo: the name "Antonio" framed in a heart. ("Yes, it's a real tattoo! I did it as a present for Antonio on our 4th anniversary.")

It gets better. Or worse. Read her frequent regressions into high-school journal-keeping-speak ("I will be able to talk to you, live! Isn't this the coolest?" she writes about the future of her Live Video Room). Note her reckless abandon with exclamation points ("This is Kim putting on my makeup. He's an amazing artist!"). Gag at the mawkish signoffs in her recovery journal ("Sending trillions of kisses!" and "I send my biggest love").

And then check out Melanie's Dream Room, a forum where Griffith discloses her secret to managing internal conflicts: she writes a letter to her "inner self" before bedtime. Taken verbatim:

Dear Inner Self,

If it is your will, please reveal to me in a dream tonight the secret of my success in order to become closer to you.

With love and respect,

Melanie

And to make clear that this missive is transferable, Melanie provides us with a template:

Here is a letter for you to use:

Dear Inner Self,

If it is your will, please reveal to me in a dream tonight the positive way to (insert problem here) in order to become closer to you.

With love and respect,

(Insert your name)

Apparently, altissimo timbre isn't the only reason the aging starlet's voice sounds so clueless.