Barnicle: not the last word

Loosely Speaking by Nancy Gaines

When the Globe published Mike Barnicle's farewell apologia on the op-ed page October 29 -- more than a month after refusing to print it as either a column or a paid ad -- there were subtle changes in the wording from what had been circulated as his original postmortem. Most revisions could be chalked up to copyediting (the Globe won't discuss how the column finally made its way into print). But some small shifts signify how the Globe, while seeming to allow Barnicle to explain away his fabrication as "use of parables," insisted on some semblance of a reality check. In the original, Barnicle said his reconstructing dialogue he'd never heard was a "failure" to abide by current standards of journalism. In the published version, it's become "a clear failure." And, in the original, he complained his "reputation" had been savaged. In the latter, his reputation, it seems, gets the treatment it deserves: the reference was deleted.

Charley Manning's all-wrestler cabinet The election of Jesse "The Body" Ventura has electrified an electorate way beyond Minnesota. Although Ventura denies he'll make a run for the White House in two years, spin doctors throughout the land are already fantasizing about the possibilities. GOP consultant Charley Manning -- a former wrestling writer -- has already lined up a Ventura cabinet. Try these on for, uh, size. Secretary of Defense: Sargeant Slaughter. Nobody would mess with the good old US of A if the Sarge were in charge. Secretary of Education: Bobby "The Brain" Henan. The Brain, who never fails to mention Hahvud, would make sure our squirts learn something. Or else. Ambassador to the UN: The Iron Sheik. There's no way Saddam would mess around with this guy. Attorney General: The Fabulous Moolah. Is she tough on crime? Moolah would kick Janet Reno's butt and show us what a real woman could do as AG. Secretary of Agriculture: Haystacks Calhoun. At more than 600 pounds, this jolly giant would know what kids want in their school lunches. Director of the National Endowment for the Arts: Killer Kowalski. When the master of the claw-hold hung up his tights, he became a man of letters with his wrestling column in the Boston Herald. Director of Indian Affairs: Chief Jay Strongbow. Not much of a grappler, but the inventor of the tomahawk chop would be excellent at cutting the cards at all the Indian casinos. Secretary of Human Services: Sky Low Low. Shorter than Donna Shalala, this legendary midget wrestler would really look out for the little guys. The Three I's -- ambassador to Israel: the undefeated Bill Goldberg, who won't wrestle on Rosh Hashanah; ambassador to Ireland: the obvious, Ken Shamrock; ambassador to Italy: naturally, Bruno Sammartino. And, as if you didn't guess, Secretary of Commerce: The Million Dollar Man.

No, it wasn't Paul Cellucci in costume

Robert De Niro popped in to check out the Halloween-night scene at trendy Lola's restaurant in Oak Bluffs, where Spike Lee and Denzel Washington are numbered among the many frequent fans of owner Kathy Domitravich's Southern cooking. It was said to be De Niro's first trip to the Vineyard, where he spent the day house-hunting.

Good morning, sunshine

Tired of -- and shocked by -- excuses for why students were so often late or absent, even for after-school jobs, the head of Dorchester's Greater Egleston Community High School zoomed in on one possible cause -- and eliminated it. Thanks to $7000 donated by Duck Tours founder Andy Wilson, all the school's pupils now have Swatch watches with built-in alarms. Greater Egleston director Beatriz Zapater, frustrated with the alternative high school's attendance record, had discovered that of 100 students, only three had alarm clocks and just four had watches. Even though most of the students are aged 16 to 21 and many hold part-time jobs, few had seen the need for knowing the time. "We've provided them with the tool -- it's up to them to make it work," says Zapater.

Native intelligence

Paradox of politics: Warren Tolman's emerged a big winner. Though his unsuccessful bid to be lieutenant governor was considered quixotic to begin with, the former Democratic state senator got a hefty dose of exposure. He can now devote his energies to raising money and troops for a gubernatorial race in 2002 from a vantage point political experts consider a distinct advantage: not being in office. . . . Meanwhile, Marjorie Clapprood, who lost her race for Congress, is already mobilizing for another try. . . . In a recent column headlined TAKING MEASURE: DOUG VS. DREW, Globe sportswriter Dan Shaughnessy averred that debating the merits of Flutie vs. Bledsoe was "the perfect argument to fuel the bonfire of the nitwits." He then went on to detail the argument for some 1000 words, proving once again that at least he knows who reads him. . . . In what will no doubt soon be anointed the Age of the New American Hero, presidential possibility Bill Bradley's got game: lauded recently by Globe writers Dave Warsh and Bob Ryan, the former NBA star and US senator is on the talk-show circuit and was in Boston last week, touting his book Values of the Game. He also contributed to Sport magazine's recent report about heroes, leaving us to wonder what heroic jousts rival presidential possibility John Kerry will soon recount. Slam-dunking a hydrant? . . . Winner of the Understatement of the Millennium contest: above a story last week describing the breathtaking breakthrough that would enable scientists to essentially create a human, the New York Times ran the subhead ETHICS AT ISSUE.