by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Saw your column about the single mom (23) having a hard time connecting with quality guys. Anyway, If she lives any where near Boston, please give her my e-mail address. I am a SWM -- 5'10", 150 pounds -- very good-looking, professionally employed and would like to prove to her that some guys don't mind single moms. If she's intelligent, attractive and easy to be with, then I would love to chat with her. Thanks.

-- Carl

Dear Carl,

I received the missive from "single mom" through the US Postal Service. She did not give an e-mail address, nor did she even leave a return address. Since the letter had a Providence postmark, I assume that she lives in Rhode Island. That's 50 miles from Boston, and well within your reach. So, if single mom is interested in getting in touch with you, she may contact me and I'll pass on your e-mail address to her.

I must tell you and other readers, however, that Dr. Lovemonkey answers questions. He isn't running a dating service here.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

For the last month, I've been chatting on-line with what seems to be a wonderful man. We have chatted every day and even called each other a number of times. He's 32 and I'm 30, we share so many interests, and he's just the most charming and witty person. Neither of us has ever been married, but we are starting to discuss it seriously. By the way, we have exchanged photographs and find each other quite attractive.

The rub is that he lives in Denmark and I live here in the states (New Hampshire, to be exact). He has a number of family responsibilities and therefore is not willing to move to the states. I'm willing to move to Denmark, have started saving money and expect to be able to go over there within a couple of months. If everything works out the way I think it will, I expect to settle down there and get married.

What I want to know is this: I know this sounds rash and crazy to my friends. Do you think that I'm being rash and crazy?

-- Bowled Over

Dear Bowled Over,

Rash, yes; crazy, not necessarily. What I suggest is that you hold back a little bit emotionally. It sounds like you've got this whole thing planned out and you've . . . what . . . only been communicating with this guy for a month? I'm not saying that you shouldn't go over to Denmark and check this thing out, but it sounds like you're already betting your life on it. You really know very little about this guy except that, at first blush, you really like him. That's a good start, but it's only a start.

If you're a regular on the Internet, you're aware that not everyone is 100 percent honest all the time. I'm not assuming this guy is anything less than honest here, but you must know how easy it would be for him to send a fake photo (as it is for you) or discuss things that are not entirely accurate. There's lots more that you don't know about each other than you do know.

It's like you've already been on an ongoing first date. He wants to put his best foot forward and so do you. My advice is, take it slow. Do not pack up all your things and spend all your money getting over there at this time. Take it easy and continue to communicate with each other. When it is convenient for you to make the trip without blowing your entire life savings, than take the trip. Look at it more as an exploratory mission than a final destination. What you find out by spending some time with him will be twice as valuable as the information you have now.

I'd also be interested in knowing whether you've done much traveling. I have friends in Denmark (though I've never been) and understand it to be a wonderful place. There are some significant cultural differences that you'll want to be aware of, however. Don't rush into this, but continue to investigate. And good luck.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm in love with a disc jockey that I've been listening to on the radio for years now. We've never met, but you find out so much about someone just by hearing their voice every evening. I've called the station many times and we've talked, but I haven't really made my move yet. I am a little concerned that I'll be rejected, but I'm about ready to ask him if we can meet. I know by all the things that I've heard from him over the years that this can work out. Where would you suggest that we meet: a club, coffee shop, or at my place?

-- Love Struck

Dear Love Struck,

Get a grip! You sound like someone who has been gobbling up teen magazine reports on the Backstreet (or as Dr. Lovemonkey calls them, the Buttcrack) Boys and is ready to settle down with one of them, if she can only get through their security cordon. Before you make a move, rent a video of Clint Eastwood's minor classic Play Misty for Me. If you feel any sympathy whatsoever for Jessica Walter's character in the film, seek counseling immediately. Also, if this voice on the radio seems at all enthusiastic about meeting you, he's nuts and should have his FCC license suspended.

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