by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My wife of 10 years is curious. We met and married young, and are very happy. She expressed interest in being with me and another man. I'm concerned about how we will feel afterwards even though her interest does appeal to me.

-- George

Dear George,

Dr. Lovemonkey finds this question popping up with great frequency. If a couple chooses to go down this path, it's important for the partners to be in total sync. Your concern about how you might feel afterwards is a big red flag to me. Your enthusiasm for such adventures must be genuine and mutual for this to be an exciting adventure, rather than a cause for strain in your relationship.

In my experience, most happy couples find it difficult to pull this sort of thing off. One reason is because there's usually an element of exploitation here that is not exactly ennobling of the human spirit. That's one of the reasons the doctor is not a big fan of pornography, "adult entertainment" clubs, and the like. They seem to reduce sexual desire to the "human body as a piece of meat" level.

Since you currently have some reservations about the idea, you need to discuss it more with your wife before embarking on a course that could become a source of unhappiness, rather than the frivolous romp you envision.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I recently became engaged. My fiancé and I are not well off financially, so he purchased a cubic zirconium engagement ring. We hope to get the real diamond at some time, but that's not in the immediate future. Here's the problem: A couple of times, people have asked me, "Hey, is that real?" I am at a loss as to what to tell them. Any ideas?

-- N.D.

Dear N.D.,

Of course, those people who blurt out such questions are incredibly rude and boorish. Still, it never pays to point this out to them, because, obviously, they don't know any better. If they ask simply, "Is that real," the answer is, "Why, of course, it's real." It's a real cubic zirconium, and you need not explain the actual composition of the ring any further. What's more, your love is real and that is the point.

In the extreme case that a person whips out one of those little eyeglass thingies for a closer inspection of the ring, you should carry a small tape measure. When they have inspected the ring to their satisfaction, you should ask to see their wallet and immediately measure it. You could then add something like, "Well, it's real leather, but not really the good kind."

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

This may sound like a weird question, but it's something that really gets on my nerves. My husband and I have some very close friends who come over to our house a lot (we also visit them). We all have young children. The difference is that our kids are trained to go to bed or stay in their rooms while our guests are over. The kids may greet the guests when they arrive, but they don't hang around and dominate the conversation.

Not so our friends' kids. They are constantly around and pretty much demand attention. Also, we can't really get into any ribald or frank discussions because of the kids' presence. We've sort of hinted their indulgence puts a damper on adult activities, but we don't know how to put this without hurting their feelings or implying they're a little lax in the discipline area.

Obviously, this isn't going to change our relationship with our friends. They are a wonderful couple and, even if their children continue to have to be in on everything, we'll continue to visit. We're just wondering if there's any way that we can get rid of the kids without hurting feelings.

-- Irritated

Dear Irritated,

You certainly don't want to get into a heated discussion on child rearing techniques with your friends, so there's probably very little that you can do to change the situation. You may, of course, try the Jane Austen method of brushing the kids off by, after they have worn out their welcome, saying, "Well, it's great to see you kids, but you have amused us long enough."

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I was out on a first date recently and, as soon as we got into the restaurant and were seated, my date immediately excused herself to use the ladies room. She didn't come back for quite some time. I thought that this was rather rude and unnecessary. I didn't say anything at the time, but please tell me, was my annoyance justified?

-- Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering,

Since when did you become the bathroom monitor of the world? So maybe it seemed weird that your date needed to use the ladies room upon arrival at your destination. The worn old cliché -- "when you gotta go, you gotta go" -- seems applicable here, and it's not fair to expect someone to risk bladder damage or undue pain just to be polite. It is possible, of course, that your date was up to some sort of nefarious no-good in the ladies room, but it's also just as likely that she hadda go. As a cultured gentleman, you should accept the latter and enjoy your dinner.

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