by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I live in a big old Victorian house with a lot of rooms. Recently, an ex-boyfriend of mine (who still remains a good friend) was visiting. He was sleeping in the bedroom across the hall from me. Another male friend from out of town stopped in unexpectedly that evening. We've been good friends for years but never actually lovers. Well, what can I say? Things just happened, and I ended up having sex with my out-of-town friend. This just happened spontaneously.

It was a bit noisy, I suspect. I also suspect that my ex heard the carnal activity, since the doors were open, both to my room and the one across the hall, where he was staying, but I'm not sure. Should I call and explain?

Alyson

Dear Alyson,

No . . . but thanks for entertaining us with your fabulous story.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am a single guy living in (gasp) Manhattan, and I have designs on a very attractive woman who lives in my building. I've run into her twice in four months and managed some conversation. Is it:

a) a problem to date someone in your own building?

b) a good idea to drop by her place or to wait until the next time I bump into her?

Thanks, Michael

Dear Michael,

I wouldn't imagine a problem with dating someone who lives in your building. In fact, it could be quite convenient and fun. You may want to take this very gradually, though, because if she or (gasp!) you turn out to be an incredible psycho-stalker with absolutely no life outside of torturing the person you are obsessed with, it could be very unpleasant to live down the hall from each other.

While Dr. Lovemonkey does not believe this could ever be the case with someone possessing the taste and intelligence to write in to his column, but a few years back I was one of the unlucky few who wasted precious hours of my life watching the movie Sliver. For those of you unfamiliar with the film, Sharon Stone's character dates William Baldwin's, and they live in the same building, and he turns out to be nuts, and . . . . Well, suffice it to say that although the film really blows, there is some redeeming social value in the fact that Sharon does take off her clothes a lot.

So I'd probably wait to bump into her again (your neighbor, not Sharon Stone) and maybe ask her if she'd like to grab a cup of coffee or tea somewhere (like under the sheets of your kabillion dollar motorized water bed . . . whoops, only kidding there, Michael).

That way, the atmosphere is more casual, and therefore more conducive to getting to know each other. Dropping by her place may be considered a bit too forward if you two are only mild acquaintances, and you want whatever transpires to unfold comfortably.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

One reason I moved to this wondrous city (Providence) was for a better romantic life, but such has not yet materialized. My main theory as to why is that I've lost the knack (if I ever had it) of really being able to see women, as opposed to just seeing their bodies.

I know that they are people inside, but I don't end up focusing on that enough of the time. I know that the media's supposedly insidious messages have something to do with this, but I'm not interested in shifting the responsibility off of myself. I'd like to stop being lonely, but I'm getting in my own way, and I don't want to be a "guy." Any practical advice?

G.

Dear G.,

Let me see if I've got this right -- you moved to Providence because you believed it would lead to a better romantic life? Someone tipped you off with some insider information about the gondola months before it arrived, right?

Pay no attention to Dr. Lovemonkey. He simply has been living here too long. In terms of your concern about seeing only women's bodies, all I can say is that you've just gotta slow down a bit.

Things always seem to develop when you least expect them. You've already got the right idea, which is to keep reminding yourself that you want a relationship with a person, not just a roll-around with another body.

If you truly enjoy people, no matter what the packaging, it tends to shine through, and others will sense this and appreciate it. When you connect with people because you like them and like being with them, romance can arise. If you're out scouting bodies, you often get just that -- a body -- and, as you know, this is rather one-dimensional. Cultivate friendships.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Re: your column of 8/21. Two things: why does long blond hair have anything more to do with sexual promiscuity than body piercings? Or was that a joke? If so, I just got it, but if not, you've got some splainin' to do.

Also: it's Bob Carlisle who sings "Butterfly Kisses," not Michael Bolton, and I'd love to have either of their heads on a stake.

Thanks, Levi

Dear Levi,

What I said to the hapless Chuckie last week concerning his query about whether a sexual encounter was more likely with women sporting pierced body parts was that maybe he should look for someone with "long blond hair and low self-esteem."

Yes, that was a joke, but the operative phrase in my response was "low self-esteem." Long blond hair was just thrown in to bulk up the answer.

And although I mentioned both "Butterfly Kisses" and Michael Bolton, on closer inspection you may notice that I did not identify Bolton as the singer of that song. I'm glad you read the column, but don't thank me prematurely, as I have yet to produce either head on a stake.

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