by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Once a month I go to this company in Woburn and make a delivery. The girl who receives it is a goddess. I usually only talk to her for about five minutes, but the salesman I deliver for says that she thinks I'm cute. He keeps on bugging me about asking her out. I would love to, but I'm losing my hair and I always wear a baseball hat. She doesn't know what I look like under the hat. What should I say to ask her out? I don't want to take off my hat until I can afford a hair transplant.

Michael

Dear Michael,

From what I know about hair transplants, they are rather expensive and require quite a long time to "take." If you're thinking about asking this woman out before the millennium, I would suggest that rather than spending an inordinate amount of time orchestrating situations in which you can wear a hat, you should reconsider your attitude about losing your hair.

Your sensitivity about being follicley challenged is definitely your insecurity. If you feel that you look terrible without hair, by all means look into various transplant methods. But be forewarned that this may not fit into your budget or your amorous time-frame.

Also, your goddess may not even consider a lack of hair to be an issue at all. I say this because Dr. Lovemonkey started losing his hair over 25 years ago, when I was in my early 20s, and for a number of years now I have been sporting a totally shaved head. While I'm sure that there are women who find baldness unattractive, experience has taught me that men are far more sensitive about it than most women.

As a matter of fact, I've known quite a few women who actually prefer bald men. One of these women (younger than 30, by the way) told me that when she was in college, she did a bit of research and, as a result, believed that men who lost their hair prematurely had stronger sex drives than their shaggier brethren. (I didn't pry as to what exactly her research entailed.)

What almost all people do like, however, are others who have a certain amount of self-confidence. I've never considered my baldness a drawback in the realm of romance, and maybe this is why it hasn't been a problem. Don't buy into the notion that all women find baldness to be a turnoff. If you can't get over your hair loss, I'm afraid you'll be wearing that hat for a long time.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm a single female who is not dating anyone presently. There is a man in my office building I am very interested in. I can tell from our "looks" and brief conversations that he's interested in me, too. I'm not looking for a relationship right now -- a one-night stand would suit me just fine. But this man is slightly older than me and also a little shy, so I think I would have to make the first move for anything to happen.

The problem is, I don't know how to go about telling him what I want. A friend of mine is throwing a party next month and this man will be there. Any helpful suggestions for me? I don't have any experience in seduction.

Sharon

Dear Sharon,

Sounds to me that you are right in assuming you'll have to make the first move. For the most part, the art of seduction boils down to showing interest. If you are interested in this guy, make sure you show it. You already seem to have figured out that acting coy will not advance the situation with this particular person.

The reason why men hesitate to "make the first move" is pretty simple. It's that old fear of rejection. Still, you don't need to flutter your eyelashes or break into a frenzied snake dance of desire to get a man's attention. Enthusiastic conversation is usually the ticket.

Of course, after all this you might find that you're not so interested in this guy or that he's not that interested in you, but the only way to find out is to shower him with attention at the party you'll both be at.

I'm not sure if it's biologically determined or a matter of centuries of social conditioning, but men who are not currently in a relationship (and many who are) are generally amenable to the quick "poke-and-run" you suggest. I don't think that you'll have any difficulties here, with the possible exception of all the letters Dr. Lovemonkey now expects from lonely-guy types wanting your number. Sorry, fellas, no return address on this one.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Where can I find a guy like Elvis? I don't mean an Elvis impersonator, but someone like the real guy. I've been a diehard fan of The King for years, and there just doesn't seem to be anyone around who exudes that southern charm, has that heartbreaking voice, or is as incredibly hunky as the real guy was. I've been to Graceland a number of times. Am I being unrealistic?

Kay

Dear Kay,

No, you're not necessarily being unrealistic, but I would remind you of the famous cliche that warns against getting what you wish for. I'd suggest starting at a local drug-rehab clinic.

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