by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm so confused. I'm in a long distance relationship and it is the best relationship I have ever been in. He loves me, he treats me good, he never pressures me, he doesn't cheat on me, he doesn't lie to me and, most important, I am totally in love with him. The biggest problem is that this is a long distance relationship. I am finding myself attracted to other guys. I am not cheating on him but I have to admit, I've thought about it. This is starting to make me question my feelings about him.

There is one more problem. He was kicked out of school in eighth grade and they won't let him back in while I am a junior in high school with plans to go to college. He also does drugs, which I don't. Although these things don't bother me, it does put a huge damper on any plans for the future. It feels like we are headed in two completely different directions and no matter how much we love each other, we will have to go down our different paths. Am I only delaying the inevitable? Please help me.

-- Brenna

Dear Brenna,

One of the great things about "long distance relationships" is that the chances of being treated well and not being pressured are really good because you don't spend too much actual face to face time with the other person. You say this guy doesn't lie to you or cheat on you, but how would you know? I'm not suggesting that you should be suspicious, just pointing out that the long distance relationship is very limited in terms of what that "relationship" actually is all about.

I might also suggest that your friend's drug usage and problems regarding education are things that you may very much care about in the future. Your emotional attachment is taking place in your mind far more than it is taking place in the realm of reality, i.e. this is an infatuation. Without regular face-to-face contact, your relationship seems to be more of a distant friendship that you fantasize about. Stop putting so much stock in it and deal with it for what it is, not what you imagine it to be. I don't think that you know this person well enough to be having such intense feelings. It is not necessarily inevitable that nothing will come of this, but it's time to get realistic. Lower your compulsion level, be open to other options and take it easy. You don't know this person well enough to feel this strongly.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have a crush on this guy. Before he knew that I had a crush on him, he smiled at me, but that was only for three days, before I punched him in the stomach. Then, when he knew it, he'd stare at me whenever he saw me. The last week of school, he walked away from me when he saw me coming towards him. This all happened last year.

This year, I finally had a class with him (Phys. Ed.). Last week, when his friend was about to walk into a room that leads to the boys and girls lockers, he prevented him by grabbing his arm and telling him to wait until I had gotten into the room. Then, the next day in the office while I was making a phone call, his sister was talking to him while they passed by and he avoided looking at me.

One thing to remind you: I have never spoken a word to my crush because I talk too fast and I'm afraid he wouldn't understand what I'm talking about. So what is wrong with him? I know that it is a bit scary for him to know that I like him even though we never knew each other. How should I get acquainted with him since I suck at speaking in English sometimes? I was embarrassed when his friend makes fun at the way I speak.

-- JXW

Dear JXW,

He wouldn't understand what you're talking about? I don't understand what you're talking about. I am a bit confused by the "punch in the stomach" approach to romance. Was this a come-on inspired by an inordinate interest in or fondness for caveman movies and comic strips? You might want to consider that physical assault is the sort of approach that is easily misunderstood. When someone punches me in the stomach, my immediate assumption is not that it was prompted by feelings of unrequited love but more likely that I'm being accused of stealing someone's lunch money.

Seeing that your only intimate contact with your secret crush has been an act of unprovoked violence, it might be understandable that this guy is hesitant to spark up a little conversation. The question isn't "what is wrong with him" but "what is wrong with you?" Learning to talk, like learning to think, are prerequisites for any sort of relationship. Start working on these essential social skills. You will find that even in the fifth grade (where I assume this letter is emanating from) the ability to relate to someone via verbal interaction is appropriate and socially desirable.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I've been married for two years and my hubby and I no longer have the spark that we used to. We no longer talk to each other as much nor do we share the time that we used to. We have a son and I am always trying to find time for him when I'm not tired from a long day at work. Do you have any advice as to how to add the spark back into our love life?

-- Married

Dear Married,

Priority-wise, your marriage and family should be number one. Knowing this, what you have here is a problem in time-management and that takes planning. Talk to your husband and explain to him your frustration. It is likely that he is feeling the same. Make a list of the things that you enjoy doing together and then make plans to take the time to do them. Don't let this slide or you'll both become more and more frustrated and dissatisfied with your relationship. If it means altering your work schedules and maybe making less money, then so be it. Marriage is sacred, work is not.

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