by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I was involved with a woman for six months when I lost my job. When I found new work, the hours were different and I'm now working second shift.

We were very happy four months ago when we could spend a lot of time together. The problem is that we hardly see each other now. I understand the problem, but she does not. When we can be together, I give her all of my attention, but because of my hours, it is few and far between. Now, we mostly argue.

If things were different, we probably would have been okay. But now, the arguments, the sad looks she gives me, the guilt she lays on me . . . well, it's really put me on the flame.

Am I insensitive to feel this way, or did timing just end our relationship? Am I the immature one here, or is it just something we can't do anything about? I don't want to hurt her, but I can't stand the way she makes me feel because I work second shift. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

-- Moonlight Misguided

Dear M.M.,

What you are talking about here is "priorities." Obviously, your work hours are cutting into the amount of time you can spend together. And having time together is important to your girlfriend -- as it should be to you. What's more, Dr. Lovemonkey does not buy the "quality time" argument. The quantity of time you spend with someone is very important and, to my way of thinking, can't really be made up for in quality.

On the other hand, it is obviously important to have a job so that you can earn a living and support yourself. You need to figure out whether the job you presently hold is important to you in terms of building a career or whether it is just a means to produce some income. If it is part of your career master plan, then it would behoove you to discuss this at length with your girlfriend. If it isn't important career-wise, you might want to consider searching for a job with more congenial hours.

You are finding out about each other's priorities now. Hers have to do with the amount of time you spend together, and, on that, I tend to agree. You have been together for only a short time. And if it becomes obvious that your priorities are different, this relationship doesn't have much of a future.

So that's what you need to do, Moonlight -- sit down and discuss your priorities and see what the level of flexibility is here.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have a friend whom I have known for over a year. She and I work together at the same establishment and have gone out together many times, both with friends and in private.

Well, now I believe I am infatuated with this beautiful, warm, sensitive, and affectionate woman. What drives me loco is that she and I have double meanings for almost everything we talk about at work, and it gets better when we are out. This is great because it gives me an opportunity to hint to her that I like her in more ways than one and that I would like our friendship to turn into something more serious.

Still, even though I hint of it, it is not direct. It is from behind a wall, and I'm not certain about her motivations.

The things she tells me make me think that she is just as interested, but I back away from all of it because of the friendship we have built. I truly respect her and would not take advantage of the relationship that she and I have.

In the past, I nearly destroyed a friendship because of sex, so I am skeptical about my own feelings. I have regretted stepping over that line and do not want to cross it again until I feel that it is time, or until my fear subsides.

Should I continue to play with my own feelings about her in this manner or should I come out and say what is on my mind and in my heart? Or, should I wait until she takes the initiative?

-- Latino Loco

Dear L.L.,

Next time you see this woman, grab your crotch and shout out, "I've got a throbbing armadillo in here and it has your name on it." That way, there shouldn't be any confusion as to what you're all about.

But seriously, all the randy banter you describe leads Dr. Lovemonkey to believe that she is either waiting for you to make a more definitive move or that she just likes to play around with men. You won't know which it is until you take the initiative and tell her quite bluntly that you have strong feelings for her.

Lately, Dr. Lovemonkey has been hearing a lot about this type of situation. I must assume that it is fear of rejection that holds a lot of folks back from breaking down the wall of flirtation. It should be obvious by now that, if you wish to move into the romantic realm, you need to be more blunt. I don't mean the armadillo ploy, but I do mean letting her know that you are smitten.

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