by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I broke up with my girlfriend a year and a half ago. When I was with her, I loved her but was afraid to tell her. Now that we are apart, I realize that I should have told her. The problem is that she has moved on and is with someone else. I know that she still has feelings for me. Should I let her know how I still feel? If so, then how? I really want to tell her but I don't think I can. Help me.

-- Desperately Seeking Ex

Dear Desperately Seeking Ex,

Think about it from her point of view. I'm sure that your ex-girlfriend still does have feelings for you. But by articulating your feelings for her now, while she is engaged in a romantic relationship with someone else, you will put her in a very awkward situation. You'll be pressuring her.

Trying to rekindle an old relationship while your former sweetheart is involved with someone else is a bad idea. Regardless of the ambivalence she might feel about your past relationship, you will do her a disservice by revealing your feelings for her at this time. It will create stress for her and she might just become angry with you. Also, if you were successful in wooing her away from her present guy, she eventually might resent you for that.

Best advice for you is to move on as well. Retain your friendship with your ex without pushing any of her buttons about your feelings for her. In the long run, she will appreciate this, and you will not have to deal with the guilt of having tried to pressure someone into getting back together with you.

Do not lurk around on the periphery. If anything good is to occur between you two in the future, it will have to be when she (and you) is unencumbered.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm a 20-year-old woman and I hang out with a group of friends, some of whom are involved in relationships with each other. We like to do things as a group sometimes, and one night a couple of weeks ago I was at a party and chanced upon two of my girlfriends making out with each other in a distant room of the house we were in. They didn't see me (I don't think), and I left without letting them know that I had stumbled upon them.

The fact is that one of the girls has been going out with one of the guys in our group for about six months now. I didn't know that she had lesbian tendencies -- he doesn't know that she has lesbian tendencies. Also, I don't think that anyone else saw, so this is, like, a big revelation. I may be the sole person (outside of the two girls involved) who is in possession of this bit of information.

I can imagine something really bad happening, and I have been wrestling with whether or not to tell this guy about his girlfriend. Is this appropriate or would I just be sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong?

-- Bursting

Dear Bursting,

I haven't the Vegas idea, but if I did, I'd really be able to craft some killer lines about sticking one's nose in various places. Sorry, Dr. Lovemonkey has to get these kinds of things out of his system.

So we see these two friends of yours "making out." Who knows what this means? I have limited information on what exactly transpired, but it could mean all sorts of things.

Assuming that all of you are in the same age group, it is not unusual for young people to push the sexual boundaries a little. For you to come to some conclusion about the meaning of your friends` activities would be a mistake.

Certainly, I would not tell the boyfriend. Indeed, as you suspect, this does come under the heading of "none of your business." And since it sounds like your girlfriends were trying to be discreet, I don't know if it would be your business to ask them about it. I don't know what "really bad" could come of this.

If your girlfriends are indeed having a romance, then it is your basic cheating scenario. But at the moment, we don't know this. We don't know whether this was some sort of experimentation or a brief plunge into the avant-garde or what. Basically, we don't know anything and therefore should say "nuthin' to nobody."

This all makes for good soap opera, but since you haven't been cast, it wouldn't make sense to start spewing out lines. Leave it alone and go find a girl to make out with.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

There are "breast men," there are "leg men" I know, but I've got a thing for "big ass" girls. I don't know what it is, but they really turn me on. Are there places where women with extraordinarily big butts hang out? Also, is this a weird fetish or do a lot of other guys go in for the wide-bottomed gals? Maybe there's some club on the Internet that I can log into. Got any info?

-- Booty Boy from Brockton

Dear Booty Boy from Brockton,

How charming to receive your letter. Speaking of fetishistic activity, one would think that someone from Brockton would be more into foot motifs, but I guess that it has been some time since the great shoe factories were active in your city and that (as one might suspect from your letter) a great deal of urban decline, crack addiction, and clinical insanity have set in.

While Dr. Lovemonkey is unfamiliar with any organized Bountiful Buttocks cult, I would suggest to you, B.B. from B., that you might actually be thrilled to find the biggest ass of all without even leaving your house, if you catch my drift.

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