by Rudy Cheeks
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been seeing this wonderful woman. She is very much in love with me.
I know this because she has told me so. She is now on vacation for about a
week. Could you suggest a way for me to show her that I miss her a lot?
I am finding myself very much in love with her as well. There are times
that all I want to do is to hold her, kiss her, and other such
activities.
Dear Shawn,
While she is gone for a week, consider not shaving or bathing and moving into
a large cardboard box on the street outside your house. When she returns, tell
her, "I just didn't know how to live without you."
If the "pathetic act" is not her cup of tea, another idea would be to go the
opposite route and put together a huge party upon her return. Rent out one of
those mansions in Newport and invite numerous pukka types, a brace of
celebrities and wealthy individuals whom neither of you know. (Dr. Lovemonkey
understands that Brooke Astor attends virtually every function.) Order
top-of-the-line food and hire a 30-piece society orchestra (I believe Peter
Duchin is still available) and a large squadron of liveried servants to work
the room.
It even could be a theme party. How about a safari theme with you, resplendent
in khakis and pith helmet, being carried into the room at the proper moment on
a sedan hoisted by a quartet of scantily clad Nubian extras easily obtained
from Central Casting?
But seriously, Shawn, there are many simple ways to express your feelings for
another. They need not cost a great deal of money nor entail a lapse in
hygiene.
Dr. Lovemonkey has found that what is most appreciated by others is your time
and attention. Whatever you choose to do, it's important that it be something
that maximizes your time and attention to her. Be creative and show some
effort. I have no doubt that it will be greatly appreciated.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Two years ago, I met a charming West Point cadet through mutual friends at
a semi-formal. We danced the night away, sparks flew, and he was so romantic.
He even walked me home and introduced himself to my parents. He told me he
would call.
The day before this, my mother, who is a dental hygienist, cleaned his
mother's teeth. (He lives two miles from me.) When he told his mother about the
girl he met, she disapproved because I am 14 and he is almost 18. Through his
friends, he expressed his remorse to me.
Needless to say, I have never forgotten that night. I recently saw him at
the high school graduation ceremony. I didn't want to be pushy or look too
interested, so I just said "hi" and asked if he remembered me. (He did.)
Later, at a friend's graduation party, he tracked me down and asked me if I
wanted to go to an amusement park with him and a bunch of the graduating class.
We went as a group, rode the rides in the rain, and had a blast. By the end of
the night, he was holding my hand, gazing into my eyes, and giving me kisses.
We all slept over Daryl's house, and I fell asleep in his arms.
He promised me he would call me as soon as he got back from school in
Virginia. He gave me his e-mail address to keep in contact during those three
weeks. Do you think it is worth getting my hopes up? Do you think he will
call?
Dear Diana,
Dr. Lovemonkey is still trying to process your reference to the "West Point
cadet" attending school in Virginia, considering the fact that the US Military
Academy at West Point is in New York. Maybe he is attending VMI or is at a
military prep school planning to attend West Point in the fall. It's these
little details that catch my eye.
Something else that caught my eye was your story about the graduation party at
the amusement park. Are your friends typically three or four years older than
you? Do you hang out with anyone your own age?
I hope that he doesn't call, and I would suggest that you cool down a bit for
now. Age differences are relative, and while four years is not such a great
gulf when you are, say, 20 and 24, the differences between a 14-year-old and an
18-year-old are generally quite profound.
One is still maturing rapidly at age 14. I think that your friend's mother is,
at this time, correct to be concerned. Another aspect of a romantic
relationship that would concern me is the question of why an 18-year-old male
would want to be involved with a 14-year-old.
Undoubtedly, you will not like my advice, which is that remaining friends and
staying in contact is okay, but only if you are willing to forgo the romance.
And considering your current state of mind and your cadet's obvious interest, I
don't think this is likely. I believe that the current gulf between the two of
you is too wide at this time.
Think about the fact that he will be in college and you will be (I'm guessing
here) starting your first year in high school. That's a large social gap. In a
few years, the age difference will be moot, but for now, this is not a good
idea. I would pull way back and try to maintain a very distant friendship.