by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I was serving as an usher at the wedding of two close friends when I spied a stunningly attractive blond sitting with her mother, father, and sister in the back of the church. I was so captivated by her appearance that I could not look away.

After a few seconds passed, she happened to look at me. Although I had been caught admiring her, I didn't look away. We stared at each other and then she looked away and turned back. This happened about five times.

Later, at the reception, I passed by her and looked at her. Although she was not facing me, I swear that the second after I passed by, I could feel her looking at me. I asked the usher who seated her family what their name was and he told me. Her name is Annie, and she is 20. ( I am 21.)

I asked at least a dozen more people about her. Then, at the first opportunity to dance, I approached her table, addressed her by name, and asked if she would like to dance with me. She responded, "I would love to," with a big smile on her face.

She asked how I got her name, and I showed her the list of all the guests that all the ushers carried. She then asked me if I were supposed to ask every single woman there to dance. I replied, "No, just all the amazingly attractive ones, and you definitely qualify." We danced three dances and then returned to our seats at different tables.

When the reception was breaking up, I approached her again and asked if she had a boyfriend. She told me that she'd been dating a guy but that they'd just broken up. She said she wasn't planning on going out with anyone for at least six months. Although she lives about six hours away, I suggested that we might meet for coffee, just as friends. She agreed to this.

Three days later, I called and her mom told me that she wasn't home. Her mom was very friendly, and I left a message that I'd called and would call back. Two days later, I called again. Same story, but this time I left my number.

I called again the next day, getting her mother again. Recognizing my voice, she said that she had given Annie my message and added that she was a very busy girl right now. It didn't seem to be a blow-off, but rather an explanation for why she hadn't gotten back to me. I told her mom that I was going away for the weekend but that Annie could try to call me after Monday.

And that's it. She may or she may not. Oh, what to do. I thank you for any help you can give me.

-- Nathan

Dear Nathan,

Wanting to give our readers a little of the flavor of your correspondence with Dr. Lovemonkey, I edited what amounted to your three-page short story on this incident into a more manageable length. I could have cut it down further to something along the lines of "I was smitten by a beautiful woman I met at a wedding. I called her. She hasn't called me back," but I think our readers should get a bit of the flavor of how worked up you are about this particular woman. And you are worked up.

At this point, I would just wait for her to call. Give it a couple of weeks. If she is just getting over another relationship, it is quite natural for her to not want to delve into anything else too quickly (which is exactly what she told you). By calling her as frequently as you have, you run the risk of scaring her off with your intense ardor.

Her situation and yours are very different right now, and it behooves you to slow down and follow her pace. At the same time, you should remind yourself that you know very little about this young lady. It might be that you are a compatible couple, but you don't know that now.

Developing patience is a valuable challenge. Use it. Because of her recent breakup, your ability to cultivate a relationship with Annie may unfold slowly. Despite the fact that, at age 21, hormonal frustration may be at its peak for you, this is not a bad thing. Beat that one-eyed trouser snake down with a sturdy kitchen spoon. The ball is in her court now, and you will have to wait.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am a well-educated women in her late 30s. I have a couple of college degrees as well as broad work experience in administration, computer programming, financial planning, etc. Ten years ago, I got married and allowed my career ambitions to be sidetracked. My husband and I have a son (age 7), and my job is to stay home, take care of the house, etc.

My husband has a good job, and we are well provided for. But I get little in the way of romance, understanding, and love. I have given everything to him, and he just doesn't seem to care. He has told me that I can do what I want, that he's not stopping me from getting a job or pursuing my interests. I'd just like him to take some interest in my life.

-- M.K.

Dear M.K.,

While you are unhappy and dissatisfied with your marriage, do appreciate the fact that your husband is being responsible in his "father" and "provider" roles. The problem lies in the marriage partnership and in the fact that you are not connecting as a couple or a team.

This is definitely a case for marriage counseling, and I urge you to discuss this with your husband. If he initially resists, let him know that, even if he doesn't have a problem with the marriage, you do -- therefore, there is a problem. Let him know that you've lost interest in the marriage.

Your relationship needs serious work, and I suggest counseling because you have drifted so far apart that you need a competent, objective force to cut through the differences and suggest some ways to mend rift.

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