by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My girlfriend and I have been living together for a couple of years. We have a really great relationship, but there is one thing she does that sort of irritates me. I'm no fashion plate, but I do think that I have pretty good sense in clothing. She doesn't seem to think so, though, and she is constantly weeding through my old clothes and deciding to throw something away, oftentimes something that I really like.

She also is very big on telling me what clothes to buy, and when we go shopping, she does much of the selecting. It's not so much that I don't go along with her taste in these matters as that I think that I'm losing something of my identity by allowing her to make these kinds of decisions. Should I put my foot down and insist that I make the decisions about what kind of clothes I wear or should I continue to bow to her choices?

-- R.F.

Dear R.F.,

Many women started out as little girls playing with Barbie dolls. Not only did they get Barbie but Barbie's crew as well -- i.e., Ken, Skipper and an entire stock company of homies. In the meantime, most young boys were developing their fashion sense from G.I. Joes and assorted superheroes and action figures. (Male dolls are known as "action figures.")

From the female point of view, khakis, camouflage, capes and tights are indicative of poor fashion sense, and women suspect that, if left to their own devices, the male of the species will make clothing choices that will deteriorate into a very bizarre look indeed. Women generally do not want to be seen with some guy who appears to be an unholy cross between Spiderman and Hulk Hogan.

The belief is that straight men have no fashion sense. There is much evidence to support this theory, and the intelligent hetero woman often will bring up the polyester crimes of the disco era as prima facie proof that there is something inherently suspicious about the male fashion gene. Even though you may be one of that rare breed who has a bit of fashion sense, you cannot fight the tides of history.

As a result, I suggest that you give in to your girlfriend. Change your name to "Ken" and allow her to dress you in preppy finery. Ignore the sneers from those fashionable friends of yours, resplendent in their capes and tights, for you will have better sex, an area of life where clothing is seldom an issue.

If your male friends are the sort who cavort in flannel shirts and baseball caps worn backwards, you can always keep a box of such togs buried in your backyard. Sneak out, dig them up and put them on when it's time to engage in such vital rituals as the Super Bowl or a pilgrimage to a World Wrestling Federation event. Your identity has been joined and part of the give-and-take might just include having to wear uncomfortable pants.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been divorced for three years, and in the last six months, I have been communicating with a man via the Internet. So far, everything has been great, but we haven't actually met since he lives in the Midwest and I live in the Boston area. We have exchanged pictures, so we know what the other looks like.

About a week ago, he told me that he would be in New York on business, and he thinks that he'll have time enough to come here to visit me. Needless to say, I'm a little nervous about all this. On one hand, I'm anxious and looking forward to this visit. But on the other hand, I have so many questions about what he's really like. Will he turn out to be a jerk? Any suggestions on what to do?

-- Cyber Girl

Dear Cyber Girl,

I would assume that he's probably thinking many of the same things about you. There are pluses and minuses about the whole Internet relationship thing. On the plus side, meeting people on-line gives you the opportunity to share thoughts and feelings with each other in ways that seldom come up when you, say, meet someone in a crowded bar or nightclub. Your relationship grows at a slower and, assumedly, surer pace.

On the negative side, you don't really know this person. While the cyber-barrier has afforded a certain amount of protection, it also limits how you know each other. It's much easier to lie over the Internet, even to send bogus pictures. I'm not suggesting that this is the case, but knowing someone also entails seeing, smelling, and feeling another.

You have a good start, but for all intents and purposes, this is still a blind date. When he visits, do things that do not imply an intimacy that does not really exist. There probably will be a lot of internal pressure on both of you to rush things, because you haven't had the opportunity to actually spend time with each other and you don't know when the next chance may come. But do fight these pressures and deal with this like you would any other first date.

The good part is that you'll have plenty to talk about. Things should be just fine if you keep in mind that you're still just getting to know one another, despite whatever things you've shared through your on-line relationship. Try to keep your expectations to a minimum. Good luck and take it easy.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Is it appropriate for a woman to send flowers to a man? Although it sounds silly, I've been wondering if there's any normal protocol about this, because I've been thinking about doing it but have hesitated because it might be interpreted as being a little forward. What do you say?

-- Thelma

Dear Thelma,

I can't think of what could possibly be wrong with it. By the way, it is also acceptable to send large piles of non-sequentially numbered federal currency to Dr. Lovemonkey.

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