by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been living with a wonderful woman for more than four years now. She is a very adventurous type, and because of her influence, I've been involved in a lot of experiences that I otherwise wouldn't have been. Stuff like white-water rafting, bungee jumping and Indian food. Needless to say, I'm a lot more conservative in my tastes, but I have greatly enjoyed and benefited from our relationship.

Last summer, for a couple of weeks, we stayed at a nudist colony. Although I got somewhat used to it, I must say that I was uncomfortable most of the time we were there. Not so with my girlfriend, who absolutely loved it.

Well, for the last few months, she has been talking about becoming a nudist full-time. She says that she feels it's a more natural and healthy way to live. I can't completely disagree with her, but it's just not something I feel comfortable doing. I'm afraid that this will break us up. What can I do?

-- Clothes Lover

Dear Clothes Lover,

What you can do is either become a nudist or not become a nudist. Trying to talk her out of it probably won't be fruitful, because, as you have indicated, the notion that this is natural and healthy is a valid one and it sounds like she is a very spirited person who follows her instincts.

You can discuss how uncomfortable you felt during your vacation last year. Then she will need to weigh the importance of this lifestyle against the importance of your relationship. But when it comes to such all-encompassing lifestyles with philosophical implications, I suspect that she will challenge you to overcome your concerns and fears.

Your other option is to spend a lot more time looking into the subject. If you really love her, it will be worth your time to delve into your own feelings of discomfort and decide if you can overcome them in the same way you overcame your fears of bungee jumping and vindaloo eating.

Maybe you can practice hanging around the house naked on a regular basis and see if you become more comfortable with your undressed self. Before doing this, though, I would suggest getting some heavy-duty curtains for your dwelling so as not to alarm your non-nudist neighbors or stimulate potential Peeping Toms in the community.

It may be that you will become more used to this -- or you won't. But it's worth a try. If she is seriously committed to this, then you'll need to push that adventure button and follow or let the relationship go. Dr. Lovemonkey doesn't really see a whole lot of middle ground here.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Not too long ago, I broke up with a man I'd been with for a long time -- eight years, to be exact. When we split, he offered no explanation for why, and since then, I have attempted to confront him. But he won't say.

I really need to understand this in order to get on with my life. I'm not trying to rekindle the relationship, but I do feel confused and that I don't have the information I need to put the past totally to rest.

Also, he's been seeing another woman. He met her one or two months before we broke up, but claims that there was no romance at the time and that their relationship had nothing to do with ours. To my knowledge, he didn't actually start going out with her until three weeks after we separated. But somehow, I'm having a hard time believing that. Is there any way I can pry some information out of him? If not, do you have any suggestions?

-- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Maybe you had some good times and a good relationship with this guy for a while, but the jerk within obviously has risen to the surface. Dr. Lovemonkey knows that few things are as maddening as an unexplained breakup, especially after such a long time. So if he won't explain himself after eight years, he is indeed a bad bill of goods and a jerk. In other words, you are well rid of him.

Also, your suspicions about the other woman are undoubtedly correct. But whether they commenced any sort of active involvement while he was still with you is not important here. What is is that, even if they weren't actively involved, he contemplated getting together with her while still with you. That implies a certain level of abandonment and disloyalty.

I would surmise that this is the reason he won't discuss the matter with you. He knows that he acted like a cad and that he was involved already with this other woman -- even if only in his mind. It sounds like your former boyfriend has quite a bit in common with today's leading poster boy for infidelity, El Presidente Bill Clinton.

By that I mean that they're both technicalities guys. Wet Willie, for instance, clings to the technical distinction that he wasn't having sex with Monica because it wasn't intercourse and because, in essence, he was being serviced by her and thus was not an active participant. Your ex's technicality is that, if we are to accept that he wasn't physically intimate with this woman, his current relationship has nothing to do with his leaving you.

None of these explanations washes. And it would be nice if he had the courage and honesty to acknowledge his premeditation. But judging from his behavior, I wouldn't expect this any time soon. Trust your instincts and accept the fact that he won't do the right thing here. Coming to terms with this emotionally will take time, but you'll get through it.

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