by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I've been going out with a great woman for about eight months. The sex is great, we've become more intimate and sharing, etc.. The only problem is that she's still a little insecure. Whenever I want to spend time alone with another friend -- male friends for the most part -- she argues that she should come along. I try to explain to her that I'm not out cheating on her, but she believes that we should do just about everything together and feels miffed when she is not included in any plans. How can I break her of this insecurity and her need to be with me all the time? Do you think that I'm being unreasonable or that she's being unreasonable?

-- Exasperated

Dear Exasperated,

I don't think that it's a matter of one of you being unreasonable. At this stage in your relationship it's not unusual for someone to want to be with their significant other most of the time. Yeah, she's insecure, but security frequently takes time to grow. The give and take of a romantic relationship usually works out over time.

One thing that you could do is to invite her out with your friends a few times. Once she realizes how incredibly boring you and your friends are together, she may decide that it's more fun staying home and reading Plutarch's Lives or picking the lint out of the dryer.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

What do you do about a guy who gives you really expensive and thoughtful gifts? I've only been seeing this guy for less than two months. It's not that he's really rich or anything, but I find that I'm not quite as taken with him as his . . . impressive gifts indicate he is with me. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I think that he's pushing things a little to fast.

-- Slow mover

Dear Slow Mover,

If you've been in relationships before, you may have noticed that, in the beginning, one of the participant's ardor is usually greater. With time, this stuff usually settles down. Subtly suggest that though you like him just fine you want to take it slow. One of the problems that crops up when you receive pricey or flamboyant gifts is that you feel pressure to reciprocate in kind. This only makes matters worse. Maybe you could subtly suggest to him some of the more modest things that you enjoy and see if he takes the hint. As with Exasperated, remember that patience is a virtue.

Also, remember that some guys who come on strong at first quickly run out of gas and disappear. If you feel that this guy is worth your while and believe that this relationship has long term possibilities, then you should gently calm him down. Chances are that he'll slow down after a while.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I'm 16 and a sophomore. I really like this guy in my homeroom but he doesn't pay any attention to me. He's really into pro wrestling while I like reading books, especially poetry, and I don't care about wrestling at all. Do you think that I should start making like I'm interested in wrestling just to be able to start up some kind of conversation with him? He's really cute and I know that he's not going out with anybody else.

-- Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Maybe, considering your differences in taste, this is not necessarily the guy for you. But, when one is a 16-year-old sophomore, Dr. Lovemonkey knows that the cuteness factor is a powerful draw. Feigning an interest in the world of professional wrestling will probably not work as your lack of enthusiasm is sure to show through. Likewise, trying to turn Mr. Muscle-head into a bookworm is probably a losing battle at this stage, since 16-year-old boys with an affinity for Stone Cold Steve Austin are seldom swayed by a tutorial on Emily Dickinson or Wallace Stevens.

But, perhaps you could try to join your interests together and approach things that way. Get some of your friends together and see if you can stage something I like to call "Wrestling with the Classics." Have you and your friends select some of the more famous soliloquies from Shakespeare and present them in a unique wrestling-friendly manner. Dress up in modern day wrestling drag and do the readings in gruff, barking style, just the way the wrestlers do their presentations. It could be a little expensive, but if you can locate a theatrical prop company, you may be able to purchase a few breakaway folding chairs to smash over your friends' heads as they give read their dramatic speeches. This is not surefire, nor is the old adage "If you dress like Sable, he will come," but it just might be worth a shot in the dark.

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