by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am in love with this girl, Sam. When I first started dating her, I was in eighth grade. I am in 10th grade now. We broke up last year, when I was stupid. Now I really want her back, and I don't know how to get her back. We are friends, but it isn't the way it used to be. I love this girl and I will do anything to get her back. Please help me.

-- Rob

Dear Rob,

Glad to hear that upon advancing into the 10th grade you feel you've evolved out of the World of the Stupid. I must caution you, however, that the World of Stupid has many mansions and, in those mansions, many rooms. Much to his chagrin, even Dr. Lovemonkey sometimes finds himself ensconced in one of those rooms. Although it is located in a different mansion than his eighth, ninth and 10th grade Stupid Rooms, it is, nonetheless, situated in a territory clearly identifiable as part of the Realm of Moron. I like to call this, "the human condition." As you progress through life, you will discover that Dr. Lovemonkey has just revealed to you an unpleasant truth.

That said, it is difficult to offer any specific advice to you. Your strategy in attempting to win back your former girlfriend may be linked to your own personal History of Stupid. In other words, what was it that precipitated the break-up? Was it something along the lines of, "I don't have time for you now, Sam, because my priorities demand that I be present at the video game arcade in order to bond with my male mall rat amigos?" Or did you dis her in some other unspecified way?

Since you are still friends, it is incumbent that you display for her all the ways in which you have changed and matured since ninth grade. This can best be achieved by continuing to remain Sam's friend and showing her that you like her, care about her and are interested in what she thinks and does. This may not appear to be a detailed program for reclaiming her heart, but it is the essence of what a healthy relationship should be. If Sam is interested in a good and healthy relationship, she should be gratified, if not impressed, by your constancy and improved values. Realize that there is no surefire way to re-kindle a past romance, but if the break-up was due to your own mistakes, the best thing you can do is to show her that you have changed. Good luck.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am 29-year-old single male. In the past few years, I have dated a few women, but nothing has really "clicked" for me. Here is the situation: I'm a dentist with my own practice. I find one of my single, female clients to be quite attractive, and would be interested in asking her out, but I am concerned about the appropriateness of dating a client. There isn't any law against this, but would this be considered some sort of a breach of etiquette or ethics?

-- Doctor Lonely

Dear Doctor Lonely,

It is refreshing, if not actually startling, to hear from someone concerned with the notion of old-fashioned restraint. The mere fact that you are cognizant of the concept of "appropriate behavior" makes you a throwback, and Dr. Lovemonkey congratulates you on having, against all odds, developed the near-forgotten character trait of circumspection.

The scenario that you have described might have a hint of scandal associated with it if we were talking about, say, Greenwich, Connecticut, circa 1952, but this is not the case. In times past, there was a far more rigid protocol associated with dating rituals. My observation of present day standards indicates that times have changed. They have this thing called "the personals" where people actually place advertisements for themselves in order to meet others. There are actual scientific studies that indicate that this modern day approach has even resulted in a number of successful unions. Even a former inamorata of Dr. Lovemonkey's has experienced a happy marriage of at least a decade's length by utilizing this vehicle.

In other words, I see no reason why you shouldn't pursue a client. When asking her out on the date, though, it would behoove you to indicate to her that this is rare and unusual behavior for you. By doing so you will reveal to her your "old-school" sense of propriety -- something that translates as "charming" in Dr. Lovemonkey's book, anyway -- as well as make plain to her that you find her very special indeed.

Depending upon whether or not your practice has a "small town" feel to it, this might also serve to prevent any potential gossip among your other female clients that you are some sort of swinging dental Lothario. I mention this because, for many people, real life and the movies are indistinguishable and there is some history to the philandering dentist stereotype. Just off the top of my head, I offer the 1985 Susan Sarandon vehicle, Compromising Positions and 1969's Cactus Flower, featuring Walter Matthau in another of his patented untrustworthy roles.

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