by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year now and I am nine months pregnant. We both love each other very much. In the past, I have had more sexual partners than he has. He now wants to have a threesome, and I agreed to it if we could wait until after the baby is born (he agreed to this). Now, he wants to be with another woman before the baby is born, while I watch. It does bother me a bit, but I would rather be there than him go out and cheat on me. What should I do?

-- Unsure

Dear Unsure,

The relative number of sexual partners you have both had is not an issue. Raising a child together (which I am assume you are planning to do) is serious business, and someone who is counting the notches on his belt does not sound like the sort of mature individual who is prepared for such an endeavor. And boyfriend's suggestion that you watch while he performs with another woman is even more appalling than your willingness to go along with a threesome.

Neither of you appear ready to be parents. Parenting takes a steadfastness and commitment that seems missing here. You should consider putting your child up for adoption, as neither of you appear ready to take on the challenge.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Hi. I'm 14 and really don't know how to judge whether my penis has reached its full size and what it should be. Right now I'm almost seven inches from the base, and I'm sort of unsure if it's about how large or how thick it should get. Thanks a lot.

-- Kyle

Dear Kyle,

I'm assuming that this seven inches is when erect. If it's when flaccid, then you're hung like a horse. Either way, yes, your penis is full-sized. It is pretty common for a young person of 14 to attempt to measure his erect penis. Now that you've performed this important rite of passage, forget about it. You're fine and there are a lot of better things to do at 14 than sit around, worrying about your penis and/or measuring it on a regular basis. It's best for you to consider a lengthy moratorium before putting your pecker to the use you are obviously thinking about. To very badly paraphrase the late poet Delmore Schwartz, "With erect penises come responsibilities." You are not at an age where you are emotionally, intellectually or financially equipped to take on those responsibilities. Have fun with your fully developed penis, but for the time being, don't involve anyone else. That will come later. In the meantime, play basketball, attend to your studies and keep your unit under wraps. Good things come to those who wait.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Here goes -- this is kind of long and involved, but I met a guy when I bought my BMW two years ago. We were both married, but flirted a lot. On my part, I knew he was the man for me. By sheer coincidence, we both went through divorces. When he found out about mine, he came in where I work to get the scoop (he'd been coming in all along since we met). When I went into his dealership, he jumped out of his seat to see me.

Now it gets confusing. I asked him out in May for drinks. He said he was busy, but would love to get together any other time. He now acts weird and is sometimes mean to me. Against my better judgement, I asked when we would have that drink, and he said he's cutting back and still trying to get over his break-up.

This guy looks at me like he's crazy for me, and makes dumb comments when near me. Isn't that when someone cares but is not comfortable with dating yet? He's the one who initiated this and now is kinda backing off. Do you have any ideas why? He used to come in often where I work to get some take-out. He has people to do that, but makes it like he just dropped in. Can you figure a guy like this out for me?

-- LyndaZ3

Dear LyndaZ3,

I don't think that it's "sheer coincidence" that you both ended up divorced from your spouses. People who are involved in serious marriages do not go sniffing around looking for action outside their marriages, as it appears both of you were doing at the time you "bought your BMW." Marriage is decidedly different from buying a BMW -- something that doesn't seem to register with either one of you.

Dr. Lovemonkey is also wondering how, after flirting at the car dealership, you knew he was the man for you. If that is the case, I don't know how you can say that he initiated this. It sounds pretty mutual to me.

I think that I can figure out both you and this guy. You both like to play around. This is fine, as long as you accept the fact that you are both into playing around. If I were you, I wouldn't consider marriage again for some time. It is a very different proposition from the basically casual relationships that you both seem more oriented toward. If you find his gamesmanship frustrating, move on to something more promising.

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