by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Almost a year ago, I broke up with a man who I'd been with for almost five years. We had lived together off and on for much of the time, but while we were supposedly together, he would occasionally see other women. I knew that this was no good, but it took me quite a bit of time before I could muster up the courage to call it off.

So, I finally ended it and, despite the fact that I feel a great deal of relief over this, I have found it difficult to connect with anyone else. Whenever the opportunity comes up, I either pass on going out with the guy or, after going out on a date, I decide not to see him again. This is because I am finding it difficult to trust anyone again. I know that this is my problem and not necessarily coming from any kind of behavior on the part of these new guys. I actually feel physically all knotted up about the situation.

Is there a certain time period when this is supposed to end? I think that a year is certainly long enough, but I still feel the same way after all this time. Any suggestions?

-- Distrustful

Dear Distrustful,

It is natural to go through a period of mourning for a relationship that didn't work out, and also quite understandable that you would have a sense of distrust about any new overtures. The time varies for different people. It would not be a bad idea to seek out some counseling on this. Talking about your reticence and feelings are a good way to work through them, and seeing a professional therapist is a good way to flesh this out.

Feeling the way that you do would probably jinx anything you might get into at this time, so being mindful of your physical reactions and current reticence has been the right thing to do. Forcing yourself into beginning a relationship because you think you should be over the last one generally doesn't work. That you are so cognizant of your feelings is a very good first step but, after a year, I think that counseling would be a very good strategy for you to help you into the next steps.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Recently I was returning from my lunch break when I was singled out on the street by a mime. He wanted to act out a little scenario, but I was in a rush to get back to work and told him so. He then commenced to break into what I can only describe as mime tears and sad-faced regret. I left him there in the street and, hours later, I started to feel a little guilty for being in such a rush. Should I have felt this guilt? Was it wrong for me to brush off this obviously harmless street performer?

-- Sensitive soul

Dear Sensitive soul,

It has been some time since Dr. Lovemonkey has received a letter concerning roving street mimes accosting passersby. Although I am not among the burgeoning "all mimes must die" legions, I do believe that when one confronts strangers on the street, regardless of whether that person is wearing clown makeup or not, the one doing the confronting must accept the consequences. This particular mime was out of line. You should not feel guilty about having left in a hurry.

As a matter of fact, Dr. Lovemonkey believes that a bit of mime retribution is not entirely out of order here. If this clown is regularly working your neighborhood, it might be fun to prepare for some counter-action. Wolf down your lunch and make sure you have brought some heavy-duty stylized makeup of your own. Repair to a public restroom and apply makeup in the best Emmett Kelly tradition. Surprise the mime on the street with your own mime act. Feel free to be avant-garde about your act -- in other words, smoking a big and very bad smelling cigar and actually talking through your performance is perfectly acceptable in the pantomime universe of Dr. Lovemonkey. Show him the way you personally do "the man in the box" and "walking against the wind." Challenge him to a mime-off. Recruit your co-workers to appear and place money in the tin coffee can you have brought with you to accept donations. Your co-workers may also feel free to say "you suck" to the other mime while feigning delight in your performance.

If you decide to go this route, please contact Dr. Lovemonkey and inform him of the date and time, as this is one theatrical experience I would not want to miss.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

A friend of mine who drops by the house quite regularly frequently brings her boyfriend, who invariably announces that he's hungry. To my way of thinking this is rather rude. How can I nip this rudeness in the bud?

-- Melissa

Dear Melissa,

You are right -- this is rude behavior on the part of Mr. Thoughtless Boyfriend. While you might be tempted to extend your middle digit and bark out, "Why don't you chew on this for a while," it would be the more polite thing to say something along the lines of, "Well, in that case, I won't keep you from dining. You best get along before time expires for your reservation at Blimpies."

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