by Rudy Cheeks

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been told that the only way to meet a good Christian woman with good moral values is either through friends or a church group. The women I've met through friends have not worked out that well. In the past few weeks at Sunday Mass, I've noticed an attractive woman who always attends by herself. My question is, what would be an appropriate way to introduce myself and ask this woman to meet for coffee? The idea of asking this woman in a church gives me an uneasy feeling. Any suggestions?

-- A Decent Christian Man

Dear Decent,

Certainly if you are looking for a woman who shares your values and, in particular, your religious beliefs, finding her through church or others who share these values and beliefs are good techniques. But this is hardly the only way to find "the good Christian woman." The folks who have told you that church and friends (undoubtedly themselves) are the only routes sound a little too controlling to me. The fact is, that there are many people who adhere to Christian beliefs and they can be found all over the place.

On the issue of approaching someone at church, yes, this does call for some subtlety and tact. For instance, sidling into this attractive woman's pew and asking her if she finds the unleavened bread and wine rather tasty would be a no-no from most serious Christian points of view. Likewise, vigorous displays of over-the-top piety such as rushing the altar and prostrating yourself in front of the person conducting the service are generally frowned upon. That is unless your church is one where snake handling or extemporaneous speaking in tongues are the norm.

Assuming we are dealing with a more mainstream sect here, there would be a simple way for you to meet the object of your desire. When the service ends, this woman will be exiting the church. Skillfully arrange to exit via the same door as she, at the same time. You can then mention that you've seen her in church on a number of occasions and perhaps chat about her denominational background ("were you always a Roman Catholic, Baptist, Episcopalian?," etc.). You might want to discuss what she finds meaningful about the liturgy or theology, or whatever it is that you find attractive about this particular church. Engaging in small-talk is certainly acceptable and may at least establish some sort of connection.

From there, you're on your own. At the least, you can show that you're serious about your spiritual beliefs, and you'll probably be able to assess with she is serious as well.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I really, really like this guy in one of my classes. He is so hot and really nice, too! We've been working together on a project, and I've really enjoyed getting to know him. The problem: he's a junior and I'm a freshman. I don't know if he would ever go for a younger girl, let alone me. Moreover, the class that I have with him is ending in three weeks. Do you think it is wise to make a move now? After all, I am running out of time and may never see him again. What do you think?

-- Want To Get Me Some

Dear Want Some,

The essential information that is missing here is "college or high school"? If you're a high school freshman and he's a high school junior, I would suggest caution because of the age difference issue. If, however, we are talking about college, the age difference is not that serious an issue.

The best move would probably be chatting him up about a shared project. Was it dissecting a frog? If so, point out that frog genitalia leaves much to be desired from your human point of view. Tiny green things are not big turn-ons for the lusty likes of you. If the project was a history assignment on the origins of the Vietnam War, you could mention how you heard that Lyndon Johnson was hung like a horse.

Of course, you may want to zip the dick talk and go a more subtle route. This would be Dr. Lovemonkey's preferred method, and I will leave it up to you to formulate a strategy for making meaningful contact.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I need some help. You see, I'm in love with a boy and, as a college student, I can't drive an hour to see him. I haven't told him yet that I love him, but I would really like to do so. I would love a relationship with him, but I'm afraid for two reasons -- number one: what if he says no? Number two: what if he wants a relationship ,but says it's too difficult because he's so far away. As you can see, I'm rather distressed. What should I do?

-- Desperately Seeking Booty

Dear Booty seeker,

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just about everyone fears rejection while trying to initiate a relationship. That's why we engage in mating rituals that generally start out slowly. Rather than blurting out that you are a budding Boswell who is hot for Dr. Johnson, you should maybe suggest a rather low-key date. Meeting for an ice cream cone where you can then slyly display your prodigious licking abilities might be a good move. If this fellow finds you interesting, he should be willing to meet you somewhere for a little chit-chat. If a guy is intrigued enough, the distance problem can be conquered and he will be willing to make the necessary adjustments. Just proceed slowly and see what crops up.

---

Email Dr. Lovemonkey

---

Dr. Lovemonkey's archive

---