Snow Day

True, the year is young, but I hope it offers no movie worse than Snow Day. Some might object it's a kid's flick, but tell that to the dozen grade-school guinea pigs at the screening who walked out before the movie was half over. So maybe I can be excused for passing the time making random and irrelevant observations.

The premise is, as one tyke puts it, "Anything can happen on a snow day!" -- i.e., when school is cancelled because of a storm. For example, Mark Webber, a kid with little charm and talent and the hairiest feet I've ever seen, can play the romantic lead, squiring a pouty hottie who parades around in bikinis and puts Annette Funicello to shame. Or Chevy Chase can have his career debased by playing a meteorologist whose career is debased when he's forced to deliver the weather wearing a grass skirt. Speaking of careers: Chris Elliott's has apparently peaked with Cabin Boy; here, as the villainous Snowplowman, he sees all the best lines go to his sidekick, a squawking bird. And what is it about fart jokes? Provided here by the requisite fat boy who's the butt of everyone's humor, they get a laugh no matter how inane or gratuitous. Finally, though, the lesson for Hollywood is to declare February a Snow Month, when anything can happen, but not on the screen.

-- Peter Keough