Excess Baggage

A flash in the pan, a one-trick pony, a one-hit wonder. With the meandering, pointless Excess Baggage, Alicia Silverstone has proven to be more Clueless than I thought. (Bet this is the only review to use that line!)

Silverstone stars as Emily, the spoiled but unloved heiress of a wealthy businessman (Jack Thompson). In need of love, but not a luxury car, Emily decides to fake her own kidnapping by locking herself in the trunk of her BMW. Along comes thief Vincent (Benicio Del Toro doing his best Tom Waits) to foil her plan by stealing the Beemer -- with Emily in the trunk! Vincent doesn't know what to do with her; Emily never knows what to do with herself. But they both know they want to escape from Emily's gun-toting "Uncle Ray" (Christopher Walken). Together they hit the road. It takes a while for these two lonely souls swimming in a fishbowl to realize they're soulmates. When the guilty duo's innocent eyes finally do meet, director Marco Brambillo (Demolition Man) cranks up "Crash into Me" by the Dave Matthews Band. It's a powerful moment.

Alicia, I loved you. You were amazin.' I was cryin' when I met you, and now I'm cryin' because I've left you. And I'm taking down my tribute Website. At the Copley Place, the Fresh Pond, and the Chestnut Hill and in the suburbs.

-- Mark Bazer