The Man in the Iron Mask

(MGM)

It's all ruff and no tumble, as Dumas's tale of undying allegiance dulls into puerile farce and ludicrous derring-do. Writer/director Randall Wallace's remake of the 1939 classic, itself a remake of 1929's The Iron Mask, catches up to the Musketeers in the throes of midlife crisis. Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, and Gérard Depardieu are the retired royal guards, and Gabriel Byrne is d'Artagnan. Leonardo DiCaprio is equally bland as both the bratty King Louis XIV and his imprisoned twin brother.