The Legend of 1900

Life is a movie theater. No, sorry -- that was Giuseppe Tornatore's other movie, Cinema Paradiso. Here, life is an ocean liner. Based on a novel by Alessandro Baricco that sounds as if it had been discovered in John Irving's wastebasket, The Legend of 1900 is the story of an infant (eventually Tim Roth in a mostly vague performance that recalls Stan Laurel sleeping) who's discovered on the steamship the Virginian on the first day of the 20th century by a boilerman (Bill Nunn), is named after the new year, and grows up to become the ship's piano player and a man who can never bring himself to touch shore.

It's a cute conceit illustrated with some striking images from cinematographer Lajos Koltai and stunning, eclectic music from Ennio Morricone, but nothing really happens. When something interesting comes up -- say, World War II or a beautiful woman -- it gets lost in the film's self-consciously elaborate flashback narrative. Roth is up to form in a final monologue in which he explains his creepily existential terror of the land, but if you want a movie in which a ship serves as a microcosm of the world, stick with Titanic or The Chambermaid.

-- Peter Keough