* Sure, groundhogs get all the PR, what with a holiday and a movie to their credit, but another furry hog takes center stage as a quirky alternative to the humdrum hamster or passé guinea pig. As Sam Ennassiri of Big Fish, Little Fish points out, hedgehogs ($99) are cleaner, better tempered, and quieter, since these spiky little puffballs with sweet pointy faces sleep a whole lot. Imagine the pick-up line they might inspire: "Hey, baby, wanna see my hedgehog?" Life expectancy: six years.

* Birds are fragile pets: one door slam can send your feathered friend to that big cage in the sky. One cold draft and they're history. As Jim Gentile of the Pet Shop so eloquently puts it, "You want a low-maintenance bird? Get a stuffed one!" He does, however, point us in the direction of the relatively sturdy Australian budgie ($19) -- that's a parakeet to you and me. Give 'em daily attention, clean water, and a moderate diet ("They can eat everything you eat"), and these chirpy, bright-colored companions will do just fine. Life expectancy: 15 years.

* Though we were hoping for something more exotic, Ken Shay, owner of Lovely Pets, makes a good case for the humble and hardy goldfish ($2 and up). A simple environment of non-alkaline water, a bowl size proportionate to the fish size, and a little plastic castle should keep these low-maintenance pets afloat. There are as many goldfish types as there are dog breeds, and Lovely Pets stocks a wide variety. Life expectancy: 12 years (!).

* "Well, they're pretty boring," Boston Tropical Fish owner Chuck Sanfilippo confessed when we asked him about hermit crabs ($5). Bet he never glued plastic soldiers to their shells and let them loose on the lawn. Our tough-shelled pals are a top pick as pert, nearly indestructible pets. A little coral-based sand, a low-watt warming bulb, and a back-up shell keep these crabby crawlers happy. And, says Chuck, "they'll eat pretty much anything." Life expectancy: six years.