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R: ARCHIVE, S: MOVIES, D: 05/18/2000,

Screwed

"Sweet Jesus, we kidnapped a turd!" exclaims David Chappelle's aptly named Rusty in this Norm Macdonald farce, and the audience can certainly smell it. The turd in question is the product of the lap dog that the dimwitted butler/chauffeur Willard Fillmore, played by Macdonald, and his pal Rusty try to kidnap, in order to exact ransom and revenge for Willard's years of mistreatment by his crotchety employer, pastry tycoon Miss Crock (Elaine Stritch). The dog escapes, confusion reigns, and Mrs. Crock thinks it's Willard who's been abducted. The turd also sums up the film itself.

What was the last time we saw something truly funny on the big screen from a Saturday Night Live alum? Macdonald would seem to have film potential as the slightly-less-smug version of himself that he always plays, but here he gives a performance that defines "washed-up Canadian comic." Blame the writers. Taking their first turn in the directorial chair, screenwriters Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski (the team behind Ed Wood, The People Vs. Larry Flynt, and Man on the Moon) choose to fumble with an under-utilized cast (Danny DeVito, Daniel Benzali, Sarah Silverman) and a plot with holes so big you could drive a garbage truck through it. The end result is a weak Farrelly brothers ripoff with none of their wit or flair. The only people getting screwed here are the ones shelling out eight bucks to see this stinker.

-- Scott Kathan