E-Mail This Article to a Friend How to beat the Bush blues Sink into a virtual reality where the only one dealing out death and destruction is you BY AARON SOLOMON

Depressed about George W. Bush's inauguration? Worried for your safety and your sanity? Can’t shake the feeling that the entire world is laughing at you? Afraid to go outside for the next four years? If you’re like me and the other 48 percent of the "nation," you most certainly are; and if you aren’t, well, thanks for ruining it for the rest of us. Fear not, my blue-state friends, for I offer up some solutions on how to survive four more years of Bush and his evil robots, all from the dark comfort of your mother’s basement.

Have you heard about this little thing called the "Internet"? Actually, I guess you have, because you can’t read this anywhere else. Anyway, in case you get hungry over the next four years – which, unless you’re Paris Hilton or Tracey Gold, is bound to happen – and just can’t bring yourself to leave the house even for groceries (okay, Ho-ho’s, Doritos, and Clearasil), just visit Peapod.com. Soon enough, a man in a van and a little hat will arrive at your door and make you feel special. Hell, he may even engage you in some "socializing." Just don’t leave the door open for too long; the wolves are still circling, after all. Trust me, they’re out there. You just won’t hear about them until 2008.

Now that you’ve figured out a way to keep yourself nourished, it’s time to keep those synapses firing, and no, writing angry letters to the White House doesn’t count – although it’s fun. Fortunately for you, stores like Best Buy and Circuit City ship their products to your door, in some cases with minimal human contact. Just ask Mom for her credit-card number (like you don’t already have it), and you’re on your way to enjoying four more years of sweaty palms, bloodshot eyes, and lingering images of Lara Croft – that’s certainly better than sweaty palms, bloodshot eyes, and lingering images of Laura Bush.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "There’s no possible way I can spend four whole years playing video games!" Don’t be so hard on yourself; of course there is. I’ve already told you how to keep up with the latest releases; now all you need to know is how to manage your time efficiently. In an effort to make this as easy as possible to follow, I’ve broken down your time into seasons. Because it’s so fitting, I’ll start with:

Winter: Hockey ain’t coming back anytime soon, but for those of you who really miss it, fix your jones with the entire run of EA Sports's NHL series, starting with NHL ’94 on Genesis, or for those of you who are "cool," SNES. Play an entire season on that classic blue ice! Watch as blood flows and players’ legs twitch after a hard check! Complain that the real NHL players are all a bunch of babies (and never play in a game anywhere near as exciting as these)! For added fun, compare and contrast with Mario Lemieux Hockey.

Because this was the first holiday season in a while without a Lord of the Rings movie (get over it), some of you may be going through Hobbit Withdrawal. Instead of shaving your dog and gluing its fur to your feet, why not revisit Middle Earth via Microsoft? Play every LOTR console game from start to finish, and then play them again without quoting the lines. For you "Evercrack" types, try out The Battle for Middle Earth, and practice your Elvish online.

Spring: Usually, this is the time when we Bostonians start making irrational predictions about how "this is the year" and such. Well, in case you missed it, last year was the year. So, how do we now compensate for such a glorious tiding? For starters, reach way back and pull out your copy of Tommy Lasorda Baseball. When you’re done staring at that frightening image of Mr. Slim Fast (and after you’ve gotten the absolutely hilarious image of him tumbling over in the 2001 All-Star Game out of your head), fire it up and start remembering how lame it was. When you’re done with that – I just wanted to remind you all of that picture – begin your own spring training with EA’s MVP Baseball series. Compete in a fantasy draft, create your very own version of the Yankees (A-Rod bitch-slap not included), and watch as they lose in the first round to the virtual Devil Rays. Also, check out N64’s Ken Griffey’s Slugfest series; that’s right, Griffey used to be important enough to warrant his own title.

Summer: Like you go to the beach anyway. Quit fooling yourself and go grab away Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball from your little brother. Once you’ve remembered what the ocean – and girls in bikinis – look like, put this aside, blow the dust off your old NES machine, and bust out California Games. Re-live your hackey sack and Frisbee glory days, and wonder why you can’t perform a "Jester" in real life. If your Power Pad still works, why not rack up some hours in Track & Field and Track & Field II? If this is too strenuous for you, catch your breath and pop in Skate or Die.

Summer is as good a time as any to hone your shooter skills. XIII is one of the best; it looks like a moving comic book and deals with a man betrayed by his government, so it should find a special place in all your hearts. If you can’t stand to be reminded of such governmental, ahem, indiscretions, revisit N64’s GoldenEye. Still a killer multiplayer shooter, this allows you and your friends to party like it’s 1997 again, and remind yourselves how much we prefer Bubba to Dubya. (Now take a moment to pull yourself together.)

Fall: Manhunt is a good way to start the fall season. Aside from giving Brian Cox some much-needed work (what is he in, like, 50 movies a year?), this blatantly-gruesome game will prepare you for life after Bush, all dark alleys and Orwellian distopia. It’s also a good way for you to take out your aggressions each November. (When you’re done with that, maybe also pick up Alan Moore’s V for Vendetta, which is bound to come true sooner or later.) Halloween is also a great time to play the entire Resident Evil series, and from what I understand, Resident Evil 4 is the bee's knees. Fun side game: try playing them all in a row and then going to sleep. Good luck.

It wouldn’t be fall without some football. Start your season off right with Joe Montana Sports Talk Football, and see how far this genre has come over the years. Of course, the Madden NFL series is still the king of all football games, so start with Madden ’93 and laugh as the ambulance runs over all the injured players on the field, then cry when you can’t take a defensive timeout. Try your hand at the franchise mode in the latter incarnations of the game, and see if you’ve got what it takes to be the next Scott Pioli (seriously, this should be the new theme in all games: Scott Pioli’s Football Management or Theo’s Curse-Busting Baseball).

This brings us back to winter, which I forgot to mention is probably the best time to enter the Grand Theft Auto world. It’s always summer in San Andreas, and there are plenty of things to waste your time with. Plus, it’s a good way to stay fresh behind the wheel.

There. It was hard work, but I’ve done it. Some of you may find these suggestions useful, and for the rest of you, well, the only thing I can do is tell you to relax, take a deep breath, and remember one thing: the Red Sox won the World Series. Now shut the door before you let the wolves in.