What a girl wants baffled Freud for his entire life, but director Dennie Gordon, late of Ally McBeal, has it all figured out in one crappy movie. First of all, of course, she wants a father, which is what spunky Daphne (the mugging, impossibly insipid Amanda Bynes of Nickelodeon’s The Amanda Show) thinks she’s missing even though she lives in what seems like sit-com bliss with her struggling musician mom Libby (Kelly Preston) in colorful Chinatown, New York City. So she heads for England to track down her dad, Lord Henry Dashwood (poor Colin Firth), who fell in love with Libby in a hippie fling in Morocco and found her inconvenient when he returned home to begin his political career. Despite the dismay of Henry’s ruthless fiancée (Anna Chancellor), his treacherous future father-in-law (poor Jonathan Pryce), and his wicked stepdaughter-to-be (Christina Cole), he embraces his long-lost offspring, and what a girl wants then is to conform — to please daddy and draw cheap laughs over her bumptious, oh-so-American pratfalls at snooty royal events. Ultimately, though, what a girl wants is to Be Herself — i.e., to go shopping, dress up like a Gap ad, read fashion magazines, eat fast food, imitate the market-dictated consumer fads of her peer group, and laugh mindlessly at witless, phony, demeaning images of what a girl supposedly wants in worthless movies like this one. (100 minutes)