E-Mail This Article to a Friend The lazy elf No energy for fighting the crowds at the local mall? Smart Santas shop online. BY DAVID VALDES GREENWOOD

You’re allowed to be lazy. What did all that flying around the world ever get Santa but prematurely white hair and a bad back? Slaving away in a workshop is way too old-school, and dragging your green felt slippers from store to store is a drag. These days, elves in the know go to the Web.

Before you carp that it’s cheating, let me point out that some items can be found only online. If the "nice" people on your list deserve a unique gift that can’t be found in Boston, what are you going to do to get the goods — hire a reindeer? (Trust me, they’re busy schlepping around the Big Red One.) So do as I do: hop on the Internet, find a few singular gifties, pay now, and be done with it. When you’re free to spend your Christmas Eve swigging eggnog and playing under the mistletoe, you’ll thank me.

For the chocolate snob

If you know someone who likes chocolate, you can prove your love with a box from La Maison du Chocolat (www.lamaisonduchocolat.com). This Paris-based chocolatier (whose only US outposts are in Manhattan) emphasizes dark chocolate above all else, with an attitude that would be laughably superior if, in fact, the chocolates themselves weren’t so damn superior.

Consider the "Bacchus," in which (according to the earnest description) raisins from Smyrna and Málaga have been "tailed and flamed" before being "impregnated" with rum vapor and swathed in dark chocolate. For a first taste, try the special 20th-anniversary "Initiation" box ($47), which contains the 20-most-celebrated chocolates with — I’m not kidding — a guidebook explaining the correct order of tasting.

For the vegan, vegetarian, or gym bunny

Think something as simple as fruit can’t be exclusive? Think again. HoneyBells (www.honeybell.com) — billed as the "world’s only limited-edition fruit" — are a hybrid of tangerines and grapefruits grown in Florida that bear fruit for only three weeks each winter. Order the sweet orbs now and a gift card will be sent out, announcing their arrival in January. (A nine-pound box is $27.99.) When the HoneyBells arrive, they’ll be accompanied by a bib, in recognition of how ridiculously juicy they are. Warn your loved ones: if they’re too cool for a bib, they might just want to keep some napkins handy.

For the not-so-good cook

Some folks love to cook, but their desire outpaces the quality of their creations. One way to deal with this is to provide would-be chefs with ingredients for a dish even they can’t screw up. And nothing’s more foolproof than Bette’s Pancakes (www.worldpantry.com/bettes).

Bette’s Ocean View Diner is a Berkeley, California, institution that makes expatriate Bay Area natives weep with nostalgia. There’s no equivalent to Bette’s in these parts, but you can get the Classic Buttermilk Pancake and Waffle Mix online. A six-pack of 16-ounce bags is $24. The mix contains only all-natural ingredients, the instructions are easy, the results are fluffy, and they taste perfect every time. If your intended recipient can’t make these, it’s time for an intervention.

For the cooler-than-thou comics buff

For comic-book aficionados, a title published by Drawn & Quarterly (www.drawnandquarterly.com) comes with instant credibility. Begun 14 years ago as an anthology, Drawn & Quarterly has become a press for and purveyor of the most cutting-edge graphic novels and comics. It publishes 20 titles a year, with ongoing series including Optic Nerve and Palookaville, and maintains a backlist of classics and hard-to-find titles. The only place to find the entire catalogue is the Web site, where you can pick up such primo goods as signed-and-numbered copies of Chester Brown’s Louis Riel: A Comic Strip Biography ($39.95), which tells the tale of a would-be Canadian hero in Tintin-like illustration. From the recent hit Summer Blonde to older work by R. Crumb, Drawn & Quarterly has the goods.

For the green thumb with no free time

White Flower Farm (www.whiteflowerfarm.com) is a family-owned nursery known for its fantastic bulbs and plants, which are available only by mail. As Connecticut residents, the family knows what will and won’t grow in our erratic climate. One of White Flower’s best recommendations for New Englanders is day lilies. Perfect for the person who loves to garden, but has little free time, day lilies are colorful, hardy, and easy: simply plop ’em in the ground and water them, and they’ll bloom repeatedly. The flowers start in mid June and keep going until October. Eighteen plants run $39 — truly a gift that keeps on giving.

For the first-apartment dweller

If you know brand-new homies, don’t splurge on high-end furnishings for them: they’re not going stay in their first pad forever, and they won’t want to be weighed down with big-ticket items. Around the world, they’d shop at Ikea (www.ikea-usa.com). But thanks to Somervillians in love with the blighted landscape of Assembly Square, Boston has no Ikea of its own. Eventually, one is supposed to open out in the ’burbs. Till then, you can drive to New Jersey — or just order online.

The wool Ringum pile rug is a plush four-foot round for $34.99. The ultra-mod Patrik chair welcomes guests with upturned wings for $129, while a mid-century, modern-inspired Klippan sofa goes for $249. At these prices, when your friends need to move on, they won’t feel guilty about leaving your gift behind.

For the fashion plate

First rule of fashion: if your friends can find an item easily, it’s not fashionable enough. To avoid that problem, consider Oki-ni (www.oki-ni.com), a London design group that creates funky pieces in collaboration with existing brands, yielding products available nowhere else. Like Levi’s? Purchase limited-edition Oki-ni-enhanced Gold Black Levi’s ($230), with laundered yellow selvage denim, and the Levi’s label rendered in black leather with gold stitching. Want Adidas? How about reissued 1983 Adidas Arosa ski-bunny boots ($249) in suede with blue fleece lining? Paul Smith, Evisu, and other collaborators round out the collection. There’s no danger of bumping into someone else wearing your outfit when you buy stuff here.

For those who love creature comforts

In the age of retro everything, all kinds of manmade fibers re-entered our wardrobes, as polyester and other icky-to-touch fabrics suddenly seemed hip. Why do this to ourselves, when natural materials feel so much better?

At Ecowool (www.ecowool.com), all the products are made in New Zealand from the finest merino wool. It’s soft and supple, breathes well, keeps its shape, is non-irritating to sensitive skin, and is environmentally friendly. For the college student in your life, order a trendy argyle sweater in one of a half-dozen colors for $115. Or dazzle a diva with black merino-wool gloves trimmed in possum fur for $68. Leave Naugahyde and acrylic for Halloween costumes and buy something real for real life.

For pop-culture queens and Ellenophiles

Is there any phenomenon stranger (or happier) than the renewed success of Ellen DeGeneres? Years after being first hyped, then crushed by the media, with her love life exhaustively detailed in the tabloids, the lesbian groundbreaker has become the darling of Middle America. Her talk show was one of the biggest hits on TV last year, and her shtick — including presenting guests with underwear — has become iconic. Catch the Ellen wave by checking out Ellen Shop (www.ellenshop.com) and ordering said boxers (black, emblazoned with her name) for $24.95, or snagging an I DANCED WITH ELLEN T-shirt for $19.95. Really wow an Ellen fan with a true must-have: the official Ellen DeGeneres Show Smoking Donkey Cigarette Dispenser for $19.95. You press the donkey’s ears and it shits out a cigarette. (No one claims it’s tasteful.)

For stress cases

Life in Boston is never going to be leisurely. We race like fiends and pile commitments on our plates, which makes us drive like maniacs and growl at strangers. Treat the stressed-out Northeasterner in your life to products by the Thymes (www.thethymes.com): soothing bubble baths, body washes, mists, and candles. The Thymes’s products favor natural ingredients and vegetable oils and are designed entirely by female chemists. A few local stores carry limited quantities of no more than a half-dozen of the company’s offerings, which makes it hard to find your favorites. But online, all 11 blends are available, with dozens of incarnations and variants. The eucalyptus foaming bath ($20) is the pinnacle of serenity, but all the scents (fig leaf and cassis, ginger milk, fresh basil, and others) are dreamy. A three-piece set (body lotion, body wash, and candle) will set you back just over 50 bucks — a small price to pay for a little calm.

For your very secret Santa (or your not-yet Mrs. Claus)

If you’re blessed with a steamy love affair (especially one on the sly), you want to capitalize on the heady early months with something sexy. If it’s beefcake you’re buying for, visit Audace (www.audace.com), a men’s underwear shop that will knock your socks off (that’s the intention, right?). Located in Fort Lauderdale, and now online, Audace carries familiar labels such as Calvin Klein and 2(x)ist, as well as brands harder to find around here, including J.M. (whose stuff is wildly soft), Mondo Unico, and C-1N2.

For sassy lassies, Lauren Silva Fine Lingerie (laurensilva.com) is a family-owned online boutique that covers all your romantic needs (and not much else), from G-strings to French designer trousseau-wear (plus sizes as well). In both cases, prices vary by label — but who’s counting?

David Valdes Greenwood can be reached at impersonalstuff@aol.com