The guest list

The Life-Raft People. These people cling to their dates for dear life and regard all other guests with abject fear. Because they stand in one spot, joined at the hip, for the entire party, it is best to station them near the food table. At least that way they'll be in a high-traffic spot, where you will naturally run into them from time to time, and where other guests will be less aware that these two are not actually socializing with anyone.

Breaking the ice If you want your guests to mingle and are looking for a way to help break through those artificial barriers, this game is a perfect solution, encouraging storytelling while forcing people to approach complete strangers. Before the party, get a blank sheet of paper for each guest. On each sheet, write down an interesting fact or brief synopsis of an anecdote that only you (or your co-host) knows about each specific guest. Do not write down the name of the person. As your party guests arrive, give each guest one of the sheets. Guests should be instructed to find out whom the sheet describes, but they must do so without asking outright or using any of the key words in the description. (For example, if the description is "used to charm cobras," the person seeking the answer could ask if a guest was a musician, was fond of reptiles, ever saw a creature rise out of a basket, etc.) Also, do not tell guests which story about themselves has been circulated. You might wonder at first what's appropriate to write down about someone, but if you search through the minutiae of what you know about people, you're bound to think of something clever or humorous or interesting. At one party I attended, the factoids included the following: "went to college courtesy of the Green Giant"; "grew up in a Nielsen family"; "had a Top 40 song in Brazil"; "caused a fish to die of heartbreak"; and "went to Clown College." Such weirdness would never have come up in the course of typical conversation among strangers, but once it did, people had inroads to chatting all night.

Person Without Guile. This pure soul is open to the universe and incapable of either cynicism or self-censorship. He or she will see a hairy mole on another guest's forehead and ask -- out of sincerest concern -- "What is that hairy mole?" Truly theatrical people love these types because it's like having an instant, uncritical audience. But if you have guests of the sort who are so cynical they're unaware that the unjaded exist, there can be serious miscommunication.

King/Queen Kong. This larger-than-life creature doesn't mean any harm but just can't control the urge to dominate the room with dramatic noises and wild gestures. Some fellow guests will be put off, while others will be unable to take their eyes off such a colorful display. Naturally, King/Queen Kong should be introduced to a Person Without Guile.

Orphan Annie. This is the girl everyone loves, the person who gives off some mystic good energy that lights up a room. Guests are drawn to her as if they've lost control of their limbs. With a laugh and wink, she can smooth over guests' verbal jabs and turn a crisis into an anecdote ("Don't worry about the fire -- in this house, it's called cooking!"). This woman almost invariably is single and has suffered some trauma, which (for those in the know) renders her charms almost heroic.

Nasty Man. Shockingly limit-free in conversation and unfailingly rude as a method of self-protection, this man has a secret shrine to Jack Nicholson and wears his lack of social skills like a merit badge. He's there only because he used to date someone you knew; even though that relationship ended, yours is the only party he was ever invited to, so he sees it as a standing invitation. Whenever he gets going, dispatch Orphan Annie to the room before bloodletting occurs.

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Celebrate like it's 1999
Menu planning
Making your place spiffy in a jiffy

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Darrin and Samantha (or Darrin and Darrin, or Samantha and Samantha). Like the leads on the television show Bewitched, these two are a colorful and interesting couple who seem at once an unexpected match and a perfect fit. Always just back from Guatemala or rushing in from a serendipitous encounter with a complete stranger who turned out to be a world leader, they have stories to tell but are just as eager to draw a story out of someone else. And even when they've been cornered by your most taxing guest, they see it as a new story for them to tell at the next party.

Triage Patient. This tortured soul is a constant open wound. Failed romance, credit-card debt, freak pet death -- you name it, it happened just before the party. Keep this victim away from the food area (if you don't, people will avoid the table) and steer him or her toward a Bewitched couple immediately.

Standard party mix. One set of Life-Raft People, one Person Without Guile, one Triage Patient, one (or no) Nasty Man, at least one King/Queen Kong, two sets of Darrin and Samantha, and two Orphan Annies. Add alcohol and stir.

-- David Valdes Greenwood