Practical application

Gifts that solve problems

by Rachel O'Malley

Sure, the holidays are a time for giving -- for thinking of others and about just how lucky you are to be surrounded by great friends, family members, and coworkers. But let's not get too swept away by this seasonal good cheer. Actually, let's get real. Every single one of your gift recipients could use a little polish, a little improvement. And what better way to show your affection than to give them that extra boost? Christmas and Hanukkah offer a wonderfully sneaky way to make your own criticisms painlessly heard and heeded.

Suppose your best friend has finally moved out on her own, but she hasn't quite mastered the art of clean living. Strap a bottle of whiskey to a hand-held Hoover with a dazzling red bow. Sure, she won't think "Oh . . . housework" for more than a moment before moving on to "Where did I put those whiskey glasses?" But that's still progress.

Read on for other subtle ways to get the message across.

Home for the holidays

You love your family. They're always there for you. Return the favor. First off, there's Mom. She says she'll love whatever you get her -- and unfortunately, every year the poor woman gets crap. Gloves, a scarf, a boring sweater -- blah, blah, blah. She probably wants a Valium and a one-way ticket to Tahiti after raising you and your sorry siblings, but a present like that might be misinterpreted. Instead, try the pampering scenario -- she might even get so distracted she'll stop grilling you about your love life. A day at the spa (Giuliano Day Spa, 338 Newbury Street, Boston, 617-262-2220, $199 for half-day manicure, pedicure, facial, and body massage); a gift certificate to a gym (Fitcorp, 133 Federal Street, Boston, 617-542-1010); or a weekend away (Liberty Travel, 745 Boylston Street, Boston, 617-859-8377) will no doubt divert her attention. Or sign her up for an adult-ed class in something you know she would enjoy but maybe never got the chance to pursue because she was always too busy making sure you got through college (or out of jail, or whatever). Or how about movie gift certificates (Sony Theatres at Copley Place, 617-266-1300) -- aren't you tired of her asking what this Titanic business is all about?

Then there's Dad. He's a hard guy to buy for -- unless you want to encourage some of those rather frightening hobbies he's developed over the years (i.e., finger painting). The poor guy probably just wants some of the money back that you've sucked out of him for almost a decade now, but that's a little crass. It would ease your mind if he weren't wandering around the house in that tattered robe. So get him a new terry-cloth bathrobe ($74.50, Lands' End catalogue, 1-800-356-4444). How about all those times you asked him for 50 cents for the ice-cream truck and he said he didn't carry change (men and their silly wallets)? Since he practically wears your mom's purse on all the family outings now -- the damn thing's gotten too heavy for her -- how about a change purse in black or brown leather ($6.99, Tannery West, 374 Faneuil Hall, Boston, 617-723-5934)? Let's see what his excuse is the next time you're looking for a handout.

Finally, there are your siblings. And, frankly, they worry you. You're tired of hearing that same old cry of "You're not my mother/father!" every time you offer words of advice. Christmas is the time to act. If your sister thinks Tony Blair is your mother's new hairdresser, order her a subscription to the Sunday New York Times ($19.80 for 12 weeks, 1-800-NYTIMES). And make sure it's delivered to her doorstep. Your brother wonders exactly where in Spain is Chile? Your answer: a world map shower curtain from Urban Outfitters ($24, 361 Newbury Street, Boston, 617-236-0088). It's hip, it's cool, and it may work in an osmosis-style manner. And for those siblings who still think a trip to the big city is a big deal, a Duck Tour is in order ($20 for adults, $16 for students, Huntington Avenue side of Prudential Center, Boston, 617-723-3825).

With friends like these

We all have at least one. Companions who don't believe in ironing, who haven't washed a dish since the early '90s, who describe dust bunnies as "cute." Their apartments resemble either a crime scene or a cell. If you don't think hanging a whiskey bottle from a vacuum cleaner is a good idea (or a safe one), try these suggestions. For the sparse decorator, a house plant creates instant atmosphere. Boston Blossoms (468 Comm Ave, Boston, 617-536-8600) has big leafage like rubber plants ($45) and palm trees ($65), but if that's out of your price range, smaller specimens are available for $12.95. Offer your big slob friend an Aztec Audio CD organizer ($25, Strawberries, 526 Comm Ave, Boston, 617-262-4610), a scented candle (25 cents to $27, Hope, 302 Newbury Street, 617-262-2520), or a bookcase ($28.78 to $171.79, Bookcase Factory Outlet, North Beacon Street, Watertown, 617-924-7665). Gifts of good scents always make good sense for the nondomestic type. Wrap up a few loaves of soap from Copley Flair (583 Boylston Street, Boston, 617-247-1648). These Primal Element soaps have a funky, transparent exterior and fun names like Swiss Mocha, Boy Soap, 3 Day Weekend, and Fruitcake (thought that may be pushing it). A whole loaf is a steep $65, but you can pick up a slice for $6.50 or a chunky tester size for $1.25. Addendum: if your amigo is a big chicken in addition to being a big slob, there's a really cute tulip night-light at Urban Outfitters for $16.

If a long-lost ami brought you to tears when he/she left, yelling things like "Keep in touch" or "I'll miss you" out the train window, it's time to regroup. No one's heard from this "best buddy" since last June, and everyone here at home is pissed. Get a cardboard mailing box from the post office and fill it with an address book (you can get one with a sky motif for $4.95 at Copley Flair), a Clip Art pen with a martini-glass clip ($20 -- choose from 50 different designs at the Bromfield Pen Shop, 5 Bromfield Street, Boston, 617-482-9053) or a huge feather plume pen from 9 & Co. ($5, Shops at Prudential Center, Boston, 617-236-4844), a bunch of self-sealing cards ($1.75 each at Papyrus, 70 Franklin Street, 617-330-5172) with Botticelli and Monet prints (remember to pick ones you like, because the thing better be showing up in your mailbox soon), and a book of stamps ($6.40 at your nearest post office). The finishing touch on this holiday care package should be a framed picture of you and your angry, left-behind friends (hordes of frames at Urban Outfitters for $12).

Your fellow nine-to-fivers

Your coworkers share a special bond with you -- namely, they don't like working, either. You're all biting your tongue around the boss and grinding your collective teeth at night because of it. Humor, fellow proletarians: humor is your salvation. For those in-between-coffee-breaks moments, let creativity in the workplace truly flow. Finger puppets (knit animals) and finger pals (fabric people) can be found at Copley Flair for a mere $3.50 each. And they fit neatly and discreetly into any desk drawer. At the Museum Company at the Shops at Prudential Center (617-267-0071), you can invest in a voodoo kit for your favorite office buddy, complete with a guide book and doll ($19.95). This may cut back on your working friends' alcohol consumption after hours -- their hands will be too full of strategic needles to hoist a glass. For the guy or gal who's been in too many human-resources meetings lately, a Wishing Stone or Worry Stone ($3.95, Museum Company) is the perfect pick-me-up. The poor sucker will need it after being canned.

The complainers

Maybe they're in grad school, maybe they work a high-stress job, maybe they're just whiny by nature. Either way, you need to give the complainers in your life some perspective this holiday season -- which, in turn, will give you a break. The Body Shop (1440 Mass Ave, Cambridge, 617-876-6334) can do some of the cheering up you usually provide for these crabby souls: any one of their aromatherapy oils might ease the pain. Choose whatever theme you think is most appropriate -- Energizing, Sensual, or Relaxing Body Oil (4.2 ounces for $9) or small doses (.17 ounces for $6) of essential oils such as patchouli (for objectivity), geranium (for harmony), or eucalyptus (for head-clearing). In a similar vein, the World of Science (Shops at Prudential Center, 617-247-0243) has a Nage aromatherapy candle ($11.99) with aromas intended to produce serenity, inspiration, and clarity. If they're still bitching and moaning among all these scented antidotes, head to Barnes & Noble (395 Washington Street, 617-426-5184, or Kenmore Square, 617-267-8484) for a copy of Frank McCourt's Angela's Ashes ($25), Wally Lamb's I Know This Much Is True ($27.50), or Sebastian Junger's The Perfect Storm ($6.99, paperback). Let your friends compare themselves to people with real problems.

All those other people

Just a greeting card. Hey, now they're obligated to send one back to you.

Rachel O'Malley hopes she doesn't offend anyone this year with her gift selections.