As Maggie Paley notes in The Book of the Penis (Grove Press), "Penises are . . . the ultimate power symbols -- but that's big, erect penises. No one builds an important building, or a rocket, in the shape of a limp little dick."
For as long as cultures have valued penis size, men have found ways to bullyrag the organ into immensity. In the 1995 book Penis Size and Enlargement: Facts, Fallacies and Proven Methods (Hourglass Book Publishing) -- a thumping tome containing tips, testimonials, and panoramic snapshots -- author Gary Griffin cites the example of the Sadhu tribe of the upper Ganges, whose men hang weights from their penises until they reach such dimensions (reportedly up to 18 inches) that their owners have to tie a knot in them. "There are accounts of Indian ascetics tying 100-pound weights to their dicks and throwing the weight off of a cliff," Tom Hubbard says. "But these guys gave up hard-ons years ago."
Such are the lengths that men will go to for more length.
"All men want to have larger penises -- all men," says Joel Kaplan, who makes a living purveying penis pumps. "It's innate, part of being male. It goes back to caveman times."
Members of the club
In his book Penis Size and Enlargement, Gary Griffin devotes a chapter to "Well-endowed celebrities" -- a who's who of penis size.
Herein, a brief selection.
Actors
Warren Beatty. "Women who have enjoyed Beatty's amorous advances swear that he is hung like a donkey."
Milton Berle. It's "a well-established fact" that " `Uncle Miltie' is the King Cock of Hollywood."
Humphrey Bogart. "Sources claim that he sported a pendulously long cock."
Michael Caine. The British actor "is also known to be a talented lover hung in the 8" (20 cm) range."
Willem Dafoe. "Star of Mississippi Burning and Platoon, Dafoe is as hung as he is talented."
Errol Flynn. "The late actor best-known for his salty swashbuckling roles delighted in exhibiting his manhood to close friends."
Harrison Ford. "A female reader . . . reports that the star of the Indiana Jones series, the Star Wars Trilogy, and the Fugitive is tremendously hung."
Cary Grant. "A former amanuensis of Cary Grant wrote to me, stating that . . . [Grant's] flaccid cock lied flat against his belly, almost reaching his navel. A size 8 (20 cm)."
Don Johnson. "One look at the phallus that made Miami Vice a prime-time staple and you can see why Melanie Griffith married him twice."
Steve Martin. "This `wild and crazy' guy has no need to be modest in the locker room. Steve allegedly sports a size 8 (20 cm)."
Steve McQueen. According to one of his lovers: "Like two Coors beer cans welded together."
Eddie Murphy. "Star of Beverly Hills Cop, Murphy is known to be very well hung -- probably in the 8-9" (20-22 cm) range."
Liam Neeson. "His reputation as a truly BIG star is now widely disseminated."
Musicians
David Cassidy. "With monster phallic genes inherited from dad Jack Cassidy, it was inevitable that son David would be a `chip off the old block.' "
Shaun Cassidy. "David isn't the only Cassidy boy with a lot to crow about. . . . A reader of an earlier edition of this book claims . . . `a good approximation of his size is 8" (20 cm) in circumference and 9-91/2" (22-23 cm) in length.' "
