Oh, right — paralyze someone. You gotta have standards.
I’m giving Pacman a 90 for this one. If he ends up getting more charges, that number might go up. Braining a stripper, getting three people shot, and lying about all of it, that puts him pretty near Rae Carruth territory.
World’s lamest theft ring
All you need for this story is the headline: UNLV ATHLETES, CHEERLEADER, ARRESTED IN ABERCROMBIE & FITCH THEFT RING.
The tally is five football players, two members of the women’s track team, and a cheerleader, all of whom were arrested for stealing over $3,400 in Abercrombie merch. Apparently the crew used a cashier to help them sneak bags and bags of crappy youth wear out of Caesar’s Palace.
What’s next — the Florida State d-line jacking an Orange Julius? Once upon a time, football players at least stole cool clothes.
When he’s not googling “criminal wunderkinds” and “illegal Abercrombie duds,” Matt Taibbi writes for Rolling Stone. He can be reached atM_Taibbi@yahoo.com.
The top-ten tally for this year:
LaVon Chisley, Penn State: murder 99
Steve Swindal, Yankees: DUI 98
Pacman Jones, Titans: TBA 90
Murietta jocks, Murietta: Fight Club 75
6 Football Players, Guilford: assault 50 (downgraded)
Kat. Maekawa, Orix Buffaloes: DUI, hit/run 47
Ronnie Fields, Minot Skyrockets: sex assault 40
Ron Artest, Sacramento Kings: starving Socks 35
Lionel Sullivan, BGSU: stealing video games, being a dumbass 31
Mike Tyson, NA: DUI, coke 26
