We put a comic on the hot seat. This week’s victim . . .
By MARC HIRSH | July 30, 2008
 |
The police chief in Flint, Michigan, is going after people who wear saggy pants. What other clothes should be targeted, and where?
There should be a ban on very, very low-cut pants on all women over the age of 22. And that should be worldwide. Actually, universal might be better. People from all planets. No one over the age of 22 should wear butt-revealing pants.
Would we be judging that age 22 on earth years, or would we judge it on the years of the planets they’re coming from?
I don’t know. I mean, dogs obviously would only wear them for a little over three years. So I would definitely do a human-to-non-human scale.
What can be done about our nation’s critical superhero-movie shortage?
I think that people should have more titanium in their diet. I think that that would help. Or uranium. Or any of the -aniums would probably help that out. We all need someone to look up to, or over to, or under to, depending on what size your superhero is.
I saw my neighbor’s cat punch him in the face. How weird is that?
Wow. That is very weird. Is your neighbor Michael Vick or someone that he knows? That’s almost like being pussy-whipped. Ha ha! Pow!
I think I need a change. Help me out: what’s the one true religion?
When you said that you needed a change, since I am a mom of twins, I was ready to jump right in and do that. I don’t know — I don’t think that there is one true religion. Me, total Catholic, so I have to go with the home team. But for you, I’m not sure. Oh, a crazy bulldog running through my yard right now. Unfortunately, he is not punching his owner, so I have nothing to report.
CHRISSY KELLEHER | Comedy Studio, Cambridge | August 3 + 20 | 617.661.6507
On the Web
Comedy Studio: www.thecomedystudio.com
Related:
Dance, Monkey: Bethany Van Delft, Dance, Monkey: J.J. Leslie, Dance, Monkey: Steve Macone, More 
- Dance, Monkey: Bethany Van Delft
I’d eat a cup of salt so that I might come close to experiencing what a dolphin frolicking in the ocean might experience.
- Dance, Monkey: J.J. Leslie
Kool-Aid is the ultimate energy drink, and it smashes through walls with its character, so it makes transportation easier.
- Dance, Monkey: Steve Macone
Eeyore talks like the kind of guy who’s already had a lot of beers with people.
- Dance, Monkey: Tom E. Morello
Wow, I’ve never had anyone use the elaborate guise of journalism to let me know that I’m not welcome to bang them. Really, you could’ve just said no.
- Dance, Monkey: Selena Coppock
Tila Tequila, where’d you come from? You’re this manufactured little pop tart. Euch. Grody-wack.
- Dance, Monkey: Jon Rineman
I like to take my time surveying the voting booths, slowly walking past each one for about 20 minutes. Then I pick one, say, “Yes. This is the one. This will do."
- Skell of the year 2008
Man, this was a tough one.
- Dance, Monkey: Corey Rodrigues
They find out I’m lip-synching, and it’s actually Milli Vanilli that’s doing the real singing this time. They’re trying to make a comeback, so I would just be a cover for them, and if that got blown, it would suck.
- Dance, Monkey: Jessie Baade
Tree humor is not funny. And I’ve tried. God knows I’ve tried.
- 16. Plaxico Burress
How does a man who catches things for a living lose control of a loaded Glock? Ever the overachiever, New York Giants wide receiver Burress was unsatisfied with the mere unsexiness of wearing sweatpants to a nightclub, and compounded the embarrassing phallic clichés about men and their guns by having the pistol in his pants pop a little early. While no Ron Mexico, Burress remains a limping monument to near-fatal stupidity.
- Dance, Monkey: Brian Moote
Pringles, the pizza-flavored ones, feel like a dinner. I wouldn’t just get sour-cream-and-onion. That doesn’t have enough food groups in it.
- Less
Topics:
Comedy
, Michael Vick, comedy Studio, Marc Hirsh
