If Phoenix readers are weird, what’s that make their friends? The genius who answers that question deserves a Nobel Prize/ But if we step out of the big picture for a moment, most would agree that — as a tribe — we’re gift-challenged.
Which is not to say ungifted. Over-educated and chronically disgruntled, the thought of mandatory good cheer in a time bereft of holiday bonuses makes our lot not only cranky but anxious as well.
Consider this a special present from the writers and editors of the Phoenix. It’s a fibrous injection of quasi-journalistic Klonopin that is not only recyclable, but is already 50-percent recycled.
As consumers, we seek transcendence. We reject the lame stereotypes of the merely materialistic. In an age of over-defined niches, we counsel courage. Don’t be cowed by delicate vegans, or intimidated by geeks — no matter how cute. Seek communion with the beloved tech snobs in your life. Embrace the metropolitan hippie. Be one with horror fiends. And, above all else, stay away from those Kardashian gift cards.
Related:
Gift Guide 2010: Real gifts for real people, Portland Gift Guide 2010: Real gifts for real people, Gift Guide 2010: Ski and snowboard accessories, More 
- Gift Guide 2010: Real gifts for real people
So, what do you get for the drug dealer who has everything? Flummoxed by the thought of trying to surprise the music snob on your list? We'll tell you what presents they want this year.
- Portland Gift Guide 2010: Real gifts for real people
So, what do you get for the drug dealer who has everything? Flummoxed by the thought of trying to surprise the music snob on your list? We'll tell you what presents they want this year.
- Gift Guide 2010: Ski and snowboard accessories
Out on the slopes, when it's you against Mother Nature, the little things can make a big difference
- The Rolling Stones | Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out! The Rolling Stones in Concert
This live 1969 Madison Square Garden set was released at the band's peak, following Beggars Banquet and Let It Bleed , preceding Sticky Fingers and Exile on Main Street , and recorded a week before the disaster at Altamont.
- Gift Guide 2010: Portland nerdcrafters turn old ideas into new items
Galen Richmond may work in the best tradition of Maine craft artisans, forging functional creations out of everyday materials most might consider junk, but there the comparison stops.
- Gift Guide 2010: 'Tis the season for indoor bounty
When a small winter market was set up at AS220 three years ago, no one could foresee how that would generate the large and bountiful Wintertime Market in the Hope Artiste Village the following year.
- Stocking stuffers
So, this does, indeed, come a week after the whole "gifts" issue, but this is traditionally the week for local music suggestions.
- Ho-ho-hops!
Beer is the world's most popular alcoholic drink. Living during this current renaissance of craft beer has allowed a wide spectrum of styles and flavors to become available, making the beverage even more accessible than ever.
- Gift Guide 2010: Graphic novels and comic anthologies
There's something about getting a book as a gift that makes you not want to read it.
- Gifts for the 1%
They say the best things in life are free. But you know what makes those things even better ? Swag!
- Picking the season’s best books — for everyone from plutocrats to paupers
In recent months, Americans have become acutely aware of class divisions — thus it’s possible to choose books for your friends and family based on their income bracket. Below are picks for plutocrats and paupers alike.
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Lifestyle Features
, gift guide, space travel, cruise ship, More
, gift guide, space travel, cruise ship, gift2010, archetypes, discriminating lush, neighborhood drug lord, composting, aging rock scenester, urban hippie, Less
